Shampoo Series – Kabbalistic Marriage?

Good morning,

Jason Shulman, in Kabbalistic Healing, writes of the work of transformation from the perspective of briatic consciousness:

We need to think about this. We need to be brave so that we can go through to experience this God-given state of being that allows us to do the work of true transformation for ourselves and others, now seen for the first time as separate and not-separate simultaneously. We need to be able to invite Yichida, the unique, Intimate One, into our hearts and be fillwed with the glow of the undivided consciousness that God gave us to have and hold, married to it with our bodies and minds.

So began my morning.

Wolf, the man to whom I feel so married, whom I married in a labyrinth in October, and have been seeing ever since, has been incommunicado since Tuesday night. Friends and relatives are all worried about me, concerned, asking if I’m okay.

Good grief, Charlie Brown. I’m fine!

When I told Wolf, beloved that he is, that I would feel married to him even if he was in India with a harem, I meant it. This includes feeling married to him when he has not been in touch by phone, email or in person for 3 days. It didn’t suddenly change.

Shulman writes, also:

When you have a relationship with a husband or wife or partner, and both of you are completely devoted to this awareness, this holy work, then you are going to watch carefully the hologram of that relationship, and you will find that everything you need to know is there.

Yes!  So it is.

These are, in Katie’s terms, the Turn Arounds.

This is a link to Steven’s detailed instructions for Turn Arounds:

https://annojohnson.wordpress.com/turn-arounds-a-how-to-from-steven-sashen/

Here are some thoughts I have had about Wolf:

Wolf is distant.  Turn it around?  I am distant!  Well, duh.

Wolf is not speaking to me. Turn it around? I am not speaking to me.

   In what ways am I failing to communicate with myself?

Is there another turn around? (Of course, there are always several.)

I am not speaking to Wolf. 

Boy, did I find that one. At the time he hung up on me, I was not really speaking to him, I was upset and more speaking at him. 

Other stories I have been telling myself are even more interesting, just wait –

Wolf is having an identity crisis. I overwhelmed him with the Quantum Wealth worksheet on Sunday. I am a catalyst for him. Wolf could be dead or in a coma. He could be having a death and rebirth experience.

Turn Arounds include, but are most certainly not limited to:

I am having an identity crisis. I overwhelmed myself with the Quantum Wealth worksheet on Sunday. He is a catalyst for me. I could be dead or in a coma. I could be having a death and rebirth experience.

I have been up since very early this morning feeling into what these Turn Arounds mean for me. What is this situation showing me about myself? Where am I shut down or failing to communicate? Where do I think something is “too much for me?”

Death and rebirth are old friends. Is there anything to be afraid of? Well, no, and sometimes I don’t know that. If I have the thought Wolf is afraid of me, afraid of our deep connectedness and intimacy, what do I find in that Turn Around? I am afraid of Wolf, afraid of our deep connectedness and intimacy.

Well . . . duh.

I am afraid of me (Who else is there?) I am afraid of my deep connectedness and intimacy (with myself, with God).

I can find all of that.

I know Wolf and I have affected each other deeply. He is a catalyst for me, at least as much as I am for him. In sharing David Deida, A Course in Miracles, Quantum Wealth, The Work of Byron Katie, IAM Meditations, all of the things I discuss in this blog, I am re-learning it myself, re-membering it, bringing it more deeply into my awareness as I “teach best what I most need to learn.” (Sondra Ray and others)

God, I love Jason Shulman! I am blissed out after reading only a few pages of that book again.

I’ve never met the man, only his book and one of his students, who is my teacher and friend, Steven Sashen, and I feel so At One when I read Kabbalistic Healing. He says in the beginning that his book is a transmission, meant to be read over and over. God willing, I may write like that some day.

I feel deeply connected, married, to myself, and yes, to Wolf, and the world we share – even when we are not in physical contact.

I often repeat to him one of the central ideas of his Thelemic pagan practice: Do what Thou wilt is the whole of the Law.

I mean it, and so does he.

I suspect he knows that I am fine and either he will or he won’t get in touch.

Love, Ann

Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.

A Home, A Job, A Dream – Trauma and Healing and Gratitude

Today, I could write about 5 blogs.

If you followed a Tag and didn’t find what you were looking for, please write a comment, so I know what you were looking for when you got here.

I woke up about 5 am, maybe earlier. I got out of bed about 5:30 am. This is beginning to be a lot of 5’s – a lot of change, the numerologist in me says.

One thing about living with cats is that you often remember your dreams. Why? The cat wakes you up in the middle of them. That’s why. Maybe it is  feature, not a bug.

Because there is so much, I’m will tell you what I’m going to tell you, tell you and then tell you what I told you. It’s an old formula for writing and speaking that can be very useful. While I may be no good at planning or cleaning, I am phenomenal at organizing. It helps me feel safe, so I got really good at it.

Several things play a part in today’s blog.

I’m going to tell you about home: my childhood home, the home I am working in for a temp job and the home I dream to live and work in.

I’m going to tell you about jobs. My first job was working for my father, beginning when I was about 12. This week, and maybe next, I am working in a house, donated to a mental health center and staffed by psychiatrists, counselors, nurses with office support staff to manage all the paperwork. Then there is my dream job.

I’m going to tell you my dreams, both waking and sleeping dreams. 

This is what an astrologer would call a Chiron story, a story of a wounded healer. Chiron is an asteroid only recently included in astrology.  Chiron is one of the centaurs, half human, half horse, just like my Sun, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Midheaven, which are all in Sagittarius – the sign of the centaur. You know the picture. We carry a bow and arrow and are known both for flinging them wildly and for hitting distant targets. I guess Centaurs have very good eyes. We see deep into people and situations. Other people call us psychic, but really, it’s just about looking rather than looking away. If you want to know more about Chiron and centaurs, check Wikipedia or read Eric Francis at www.planetwaves.net.

Back to the story . . .  

Let’s start with the dreams the cat helped me to remember this morning.

Last night before I went to sleep, I read the first 3 chapters of Peter A. Levine’s book, Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body. I’ve known about Peter’s work for about 7 years. Some of the women I interned with during my master’s program were studying his work at a different school than mine. It sounded good to me, and I bought a copy of his book, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. I know I read some of it. Somewhere during the past 4 years of moving from home to home, I gave it away unfinished. Every now and then, I think I’ll try again.

The first dream the cat helped me to remember is, of course, not completely clear. I remember that someone wanted me to go out with him. It seemed like it was Michael, a former friend’s ex-husband. Okay, I remember thinking about him  yesterday. That makes some sense. I also remember being in an office building. It was kind of vacant and the time was early evening, I think. I was meeting my former roommate or at least he was there. Again, I emailed with him yesterday because he’s bringing me a bill of sale so I can register the car he so generously gave me. The last part of the dream, I was asking a chiropractor, actually, he’s the husband of a chiropractor I saw for many years. He rarely practices, but he is trained. I was asking him if I could pay his lowest price for a single adjustment. Single adjustments usually cost much more. He is a Network Chiropractor. I see a Flow Chiropractor now. But clearly the dream was about men, support and healing.

The second dream the cat helped me remember was about my childhood home. I was driving by and realized that the original red brick was back (some insensitive boob has actually painted the rich red brick, and it is now a creamy yellow – yuck). There were bushes sitting in pots ready to be planted. They were ligustrum, gardenia and something I used to call a bee bush, no idea what it really is, but the bees liked the white flowers. The old gardenias were dried and frazzled, but still alive and someone had removed them and placed them in pots. I suppose the nursery planned to bring them back to life.

Mema, my maternal grandmother, was there. She said that Mother still had the house and was refurbishing it. In the dream, I wondered what the rent would be and wondered about living there. I wondered if I could create my intentional healing community there.

I read both these dreams as stories of healing, healing trauma and sexual abuse, which is what this blog is mostly all about.

From my reading last night, here is a list from Peter Levine’s Healing Trauma.

Oh, first, let me say what trauma is.

On page 8, Levine says that after 30 years, it is still a challenge for him to define trauma. He says, “What I do know is that we become traumatized when our ability to respond to a perceived threat is in some way overwhelmed. This inability to adequately respond can impact us in obvious ways, as well as ways that are subtle.”

On page 20, Levine says, “The symptoms of trauma can be stable, that is, ever-present. They can also be unstable, meaning that they can come and go and be triggered by stress. Or they can remain hidden for decades and suddenly surface. Usually, symptoms do not occur individually, but come in groups. They often grow increasingly complex over time, becoming less and less connected with the original trauma experience.”

There are a lot of good lists in Levine’s book. It’s short and comes with a CD of guided exercises for re-visiting trauma and healing the body memories and associated symptoms. 

So, back to the lists I mentioned. You’ll find a list of “Obvious Causes of Trauma” and “Less Obvious Causes of Trauma” on pages 14 and 15. Levine suggests we pay attention to our bodies as we read these and notice any uneasiness or discomfort. I’ll let you get the book and do that.

He categorizes symptoms this way:

1. Hyperarousal
2. Constriction
3. Dissociation and denial
4. Feelings of helplessness, immobility and freezing

Now, here’s that list found on pages 18 – 20:

Symptoms: A Lengthy List 

• Hypervigilence (being “on guard” at all times)
• Intrusive imagery or flashbacks
• Extreme sensitivity to light and sound
• Hyperactivity
• Exaggerated emotional and startle responses
• Nightmares and night terrors
• Abrupt mood swings (rage reactions or temper tantrums, frequent anger, or crying)
• Shame and lack of self-worth
• Reduced ability to deal with stress (easily and frequently stressed out)
• Difficulty sleeping

Then he says some symptoms “can show up later, even years later.” He mentions that we are not meant to diagnose with these lists, just “get a feel for how trauma symptoms behave.”

• Panic attacks, anxiety and phobias
• Mental “blankness” or spaced-out feelings
• Avoidance behavior ( avoiding places, activities, movements, memories or people)
• Attraction to dangerous situations
• Addictive behaviors (overeating, drinking, smoking, etc.)
• Exaggerated or diminished sexual activity
• Amnesia and forgetfulness
• Inability to love, nurture, or bond with other individuals
• Fear of dying or having a shortened life
• Self-mutilation (severe abuse, self-inflicted cuting, etc.)
• Loss of sustaining beliefs (spiritual, religious, interpersonal)

Then he gives another list and says these “generally take longer to develop” (page 19). “In most cases, they may have been preceded by some of the earlier symptoms.”

• Excessive shyness
• Diminished emotional responses
• Inability to make commitments
• Chronic fatigue or very low physical energy
• Immune system problems and certain endocrine problems such as thyroid malfunction and environmental sensitivities
• Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly headaches, migraines, neck and back problems
• Chronic pain
• Fibromyalgia
• Asthma
• Skin disorders
• Digestive proglems (spastic colon)
• Severe premenstrual syndrome
• Depressionand feelings of impending doom
• Feelings of detachment, alienation and isolation (“living dead” feelings)
• Reduced ability to formulate plans

I imagine we have all experienced enough trauma, even mild trauma, that reading these lists make us feel a little edgy.

So, take a deep breath . . . several.

When you’re ready, continue.

There is one last symptom on page 20. Levine calls it “The Compulsion to Repeat.” It is well worth reading the story he tells there. It is an amazingly specific example.

Now, what does all of this have to do with this blog? Or with “A Home, A Job, A Dream.” I think you are beginning to see. Some of you, especially those with similar experiences to mine, see very clearly. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you are still reading.

Trauma is a clear case of “reality is kinder than our thinking.”

Remember, it doesn’t matter if the threat is real or what is really going on. Thunder can traumatize a baby, says Levine, but there is no real danger. It is the perception that brings on these trauma symptoms. I’m not saying they are not real. Trust me, they are. I’ll get into some of my own symptoms as we go, and I’ve mentioned a lot of them in previous blogs.

But what Katie says is true, “The worst that can happen is a thought.”

Once we re-think the situation, and I feel Levine is right, we need to include the body in this re-thinking, once we re-think a situation, change our perception of it, healing happens.

A Course in Miracles  says “projection makes perception.” (Text, page 445) We project our thoughts onto people and situations, and believe this to be reality. It’s not. ACIM says we live in a dream world, not in reality. The 365 daily meditations in the workbook and the Text and Manual for Teachers are support in changing our perceptions and waking up to reality.

I call The Work of Byron Katie, A Course in Miracles in 4 questions and a Turn Around. It is much faster. I’m not necessarily saying it’s better, though. Time is a godsend when we are healing and taking a year or more to do A Course in Miracles can be very beneficial.

Steven Sashen gives a great and simple example of reality being kinder than his thinking in his Anti-Guru blog.

http://sashen.com/blog/34/rearranging-furniture-in-imaginary-houses/

Read his version. Basically, one element of his therapy for years was the idea that his parents took $42 from him as a child. The truth was much kinder than his thinking.

Steven is a great example of the Chiron archetype. After years of what you might call financial trauma, he woke up. The seminal event had more to do with relationships, and it generalized to everything. Reality was much kinder than his thinking, and he lived to tell the tale. I wish the book were out. Write and ask him for it. (steven@sashen.com)

And ask when he’s going to teach his next seminar, too. He only teaches on request.

The next seminar will hopefully be on the Instant Advanced Meditation or IAM.

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

If Katie’s Work is ACIM in 4 questions and a Turn Around, Steven’s IAM is a kinder reality now. It really is instantaneous.

Again, instantaneous is not necessarily “better.” Sometimes a full Worksheet in Katie’s way is exactly what I needed. Sometimes A Course in Miracles. Sometimes IAM. 

I’ve learned a lot from Steven.

So on with my story.  

I’ve told you about last night’s dreams, which include my childhood home. Let me tell you about a job.

Right now, I’m working a temp job at a place that houses counselors, nurses and psychiatrists who see the mentally and developmentally challenged members of our community. There is also an office manager, a person who helps these clients manage their money, and a couple of other business support staff.

Maybe I work temp jobs because I was traumatized by working for my father and going down on him both at the office and at home. I always knew some day I’d grow up and be able to work some other job. But there’s that compulsion to repeat that Levine mentions. I even had sex with co-workers at my very next job, working for an attorney when I was 16 and just out of high school.

I’ve been blessed to be supported by boyfriends and husbands for several periods in my life. This has allowed me to go to school, write, teach and work towards doing something with my background that might be healing for others and continue my own healing in the process.

That’s the job I really want. Well, more truthfully, that’s the job I really have.

So, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, I’ll bet you can put some pieces together and understand how it is that I have tried many major leaps to see how they would go in my attempts to create my dream home, which is my dream job. I moved to Georgia one year to see if I could build my dream there. My dream is how I came to go to Ireland last September. It is what I dreamed of doing with Audrey’s home. It is why I jumped in feet first to see if Paul was the partner I dreamed of who would work with me and complement my talents of writing, teaching and counseling, with his talents in storytelling, sales and money management.

When something looks like the Next Step toward my dream, I take it.

A Home, A Job and A Dream – Healing Trauma

It is my dream to live in an intentional community where I work with like-minded others teaching, writing and counseling.

Maybe I’ll post the latest version of that as a Cowgirl Interlude.

I would love to find others who share that dream with me, living and working together.

In fact, let me put that as a request.

If you feel moved to live and work with others who have experienced life paths of trauma, healing trauma and sharing with others about how to heal trauma, especially the perceived threat of sexual abuse, comment on this blog. I will reply to all serious inquiries.

We need funding, a location, a business manager, an editor, a book publisher, a computer geek or three, as well as teachers, healers, counselors and writers.

So that is my story of my childhood home and jobs, my current home and jobs, and how they relate to my waking and sleeping dreams.

It’s almost time to go to the temp job, so I’ll post this and I may edit it some over the next few days.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love and many blessings, Ann

Shampoo Series – Spiritual Enlightenment – What If?

What if . . .

Think of the things you complain about, dread and dislike in your life. Make a list.

Now, what if your happiness, your peace, your “spiritual enlightenment,” depended on having exactly those things in your life?

We have this idea that if we achieve these concepts of happiness, peace and spiritual enlightenment everything will be some kind of “All Bliss, All the Time.”

Well, check.

I was at the Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, when someone said that she couldn’t follow her spiritual calling unless she had the freedom to move out of state, something she cannot do with her child, by divorce decree.

Steven looked at her and asked, “Nelson Mandela was in prison for how long?”

We all laughed.

“And the Christian saints and martyrs? They were free to move and travel about all the time, right?”

Er…

I added, “and Ghandi got around really well while he was fasting.”

No, he could barely lay on his pallet sometimes he was so weak from fasting from what I have heard.

For myself, incest in my childhood, the exciting and exhilarating journey from grief to gratitude, were all part of following my spiritual calling. The story is in this blog.

So, the next time you have a complaint or some stress you think is keeping you from . . . anything . . . check. It might be merely the next step in following your spiritual calling.

Love, Ann

5 Minutes to Deep Peace on Thursday 9/13

You will be entertained at the very least and enlightenment is an option.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Thursday, 9/13, there is a teleconference call where you can learn more about this. There will be sample meditations and a chance at a free gift worth $400.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310 

Trust me. You want to try this. The IAM Meditations are the product of the fertile mind of Steven Sashen who is also responsible for much of the Shampoo Method we talk about here every day.

It’s completely safe. I’d trust this guy with my life.

This feeling, this is what we have all been looking for our whole lives. It’s like coming home.

Love, Ann  

Shampoo Series – Handling Criticism

Say I told you that you were a 500 pound green alien?

Would that bother you? No.

You don’t believe you are a 500 pound green alien. You don’t even think they exist.

But if I told you that you were too fat or too dumb or a failure or whatever your own pet insecurity is, yes, it would bother you a lot.

It would also bother you if you thought I was fat or dumb or a failure, but I’m sure you could care less if I were a 500 pound green alien, other than you might want to capture, study or talk to me.

Why?

Because you believe it of yourself.

And you don’t like it.

In other words, you agree!!!

And you don’t like that in yourself.

Do you see the way out?

Would you like to reduce the stress and enjoy it the next time someone criticizes you/agrees with you?

Try saying this: 

“I can see that. What do you suggest?”

Try it. See what happens. 

Many thanks and much love to Steven Sashen who taught me this much truer perspective on annoyance.

Love, Ann

Cowgirl Interlude – Thank U India – Alanis Morrissette

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1ZVV09vTU8 

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I’m filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots  (!)
How about that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

yeah yeah
ahh ohhh
ahhh ho oh
ahhh ho ohhhhhh
yeaahhhh yeahh

Cowgirl Interlude – Time of Your Life (Good Riddance)

“Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”

Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth it was worth all the while

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Shampoo Series – Broken or Just Not Yet Blooming?

I started this blog over a month ago and I still feel like I’m fumbling with concepts that have to be experienced to be understood.  I have trouble thinking anyone can read this blog and “get” what I’m talking about.

I was thinking about Paul, about how we don’t seem to “meet” in most of my worldview and concepts. I mistakenly gave the impression that I felt he was “broken.” I was driving along one day, thinking about that, and wondering what would be a better way to say it, and I decided that it was closer to say he just wasn’t in full bloom. Maybe.

Then last night at a Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, Sashen talked about cause & effect in terms of a rosebud.

What Sashen was saying is that we do these “non-technique techniques” and think that we caused something, when actually, if we threw the rosebud in a closet, it would still bloom.

Most likely, when we came back to find the rosebud in full bloom, we would think that our “technique” did it, when actually, the rose would have bloomed had we done nothing at all.

I used to think no one could have these “blooming experiences” with words. I was wrong. I’ve had some really amazing experiences from “just words” since then.  

“Which words?” you may be thinking.

The ones I write about here – The Work of Byron Katie, Instant Advanced Meditations (IAM) by Steven Sashen, and Jason Shulman’s book Kabbalistic Healing are my best examples.

But Steven is right. These are not “techniques” the way we usually think of them. And furthermore, when we use them to get some predictable outcome they don’t “work.”

Counselors & healers seem to think people are “broken.”

That’s part of why I have never worked as a counselor in an agency. The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Volume IV) is just a big storybook about how people can be “broken.”

I don’t buy it and I certainly can’t sell it.

Of course, what I do buy can still be used as a way to “help,” “heal,” or “fix” things.

The minute we do that they don’t “work.”

It seems to be when I just play around with them to see what happens, some of the most amazing things “happen.”

Sashen, Katie and Shulman, and come to think of it, David Deida’s “opening as,” and Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now are all word-based things that seem to create some kind of “experience.”

I used to call those experiences “healing.”

But that would imply I was sick.

Was I?

I don’t think so. I was just doing what humans do.

Hopefully, Steven’s monthly IAM Chit-Chat tomorrow call will shed some more light on this . . . and how to talk and write about it.

Love, Ann

PS – I know Paul and some of his friends read this blog. Would you mind dropping me a comment or an email to say whether this is clear to you or not?  Thanks!

Shampoo Series – Inner Health

Health

I have learned that most health issues – physical, mental and emotional  – have to do with using our body as a toxic dump for things that were never meant to go in our mouths (or our minds.)

This is rooted in lack of spiritual trust, relaxation and peace.

We think we have to do things to support and protect ourselves from the illusion of attacks from “outside.” There is no “outside.” All that stuff we think is attacking us, be it other people, viruses, pollution, disagreement, countries, ALL of it, is our own THINKING.

“Reality is kinder than your thinking.”  Byron Katie

We terrorize ourselves with lies and stories about the past and the future and this keeps us from experiencing a True Present.

The habitual tension and stress keeps our bodies in a nearly constant state of agitation and red alert both waking and sleeping, which tears down our mental, emotional and physical health over the years. Depending on our diet and exercise habits, this creates illness (aka dis-EASE) of various types.

Meditation reconnects us with a true present and inner peace.

Then, and only then, can we really begin to heal.

IAM meditations are still my favorites.

Starting back in the 80’s I have sporadically done cleanses, mostly Arise & Shine – www.ariseandshine.com. If you like to read, I would highly recommend Dr. Richard Anderson’s book, Cleanse and Purify Thyself. Basically, we need to clean out the toxic dump that we’ve poured coffee, white sugar, white flour, cooked foods and other unnatural substances into all of these years. First, remove the toxins, then support it by not doing that anymore.

We use herbs, lots of good clean water, whole foods in their natural state, etc. to support that health.

We do yoga, exercise, sex and breathwork to bring our bodies into better physical balance.

We talk with others – counselors, friends, and support groups (like the 12 Step groups, and group counseling, seminars and workshops) to return to mental/emotional health.

We question our thoughts with The Work of Byron Katie, Quantum Wealth, Sedona Method and other paths to clarity.

And we continue to meditate and stay connected to our inner wisdom to know specifically which of these to do and when. We make no decisions for ourselves. We allow Guidance to arise from within.

Thus, when life’s seeming challenges arise – death of a loved one, divorce, a dis-ease, job issues, relationship questions – we go inside, find that inner peace in Wholeness, and we are guided in peace and truth.

I could say much more about the details of which healing modalities I have found valuable through the years, but I think the framework is enough for now.

I ran this much of the article by my friend in London and he reminded me of somthing very important:

It is just as stressful to make “health” a rule or a requirement.

If we try to use external “rules” instead of inner guidance then those external, stressful, imposed ideas or concepts about how things “should be” can be just as counterproductive as junk food.

Our Guidance may be to eat the chocolate chip cookie.

Love, Ann

“Health is a result of relinquishing attack thoughts.”

                          –  A Course in Miracles

Shampoo Series – Pavlov

Hi guys,

I was just looking at Steven Sashen’s latest Anti-Guru Blog and was enjoying the current one so much, that I scrolled back to read another, and another, and another.

I was glad I did because I got to re-read this one:

http://sashen.com/blog/26/look-ma-no-brains/

It was a relief to remember that some of the reactions I have are simple conditioning.

You know, some guy tells me he will love me forever, has been looking for me for 32 years, wants to spoil me – and my brain just shuts off, while I go padding after those carrots with my tongue hanging out. Sure, all of that may be true, but then again, who knows? One of us could get hit by a truck today.

I’m paying attention to noticing the part where my brain shuts off.

I just love the honesty of this guy, Sashen.

Yeah, I know sometimes Sashen sounds like a total asshole, but trust me, he’s not. He is just possessed of an extremely acerbic wit. I tend to laugh my ass off around him. He has been known to say, “I don’t play well with others.”  

Neither do I, sometimes.

I do a lot of temp jobs right now to pay the rent.

It’s essentially mindless work – answer a few phones, type something, file something. And it pays enough that I can often get by with a few weeks of it and then take a few weeks off. I like that a lot, a whole lot.

When that happens, I get to sit down of a morning and write these letters to you. I enjoy the hell out of that. (Hmm, that’s the title of Ramone Yaciuk’s book, Enjoy the Hell Out of Your Life. Saw his author talk last night at Borders. Good job, Ramone! www.mycommunicationworks.com )

Anyway, so here I am experiencing brain shut-down on a daily basis and wondering what to do next.

Ah… needing a Next Step. I know how to find those!

So, I get out my Goal-Free Goal Setting meditation.

(Umm, if you want one, go through http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391 and get the whole IAM CD set. It is well worth it and there’s a lifetime guarantee and free samples. )

Did the meditation, got the . . . hmm . . . I should get a t-shirt, but that’s another of Sashen’s sites – www.delightenment.com

I haven’t found the exact one I want yet. Actually, I want “Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity” in a lovely white script on a pink T-shirt. I just don’t know if I’d actually wear it, so I’ve been hesitating on creating it.

Anyway, I did the Goal-Free Goal Setting for like 40 days on the idea of getting married. Then this guy, Paul, shows up. I have done the meditation once or twice in the last month since he showed up. Today, I did it again and then wondered whether Steven had blogged lately. He has. They are a ton of fun.

I have been feeling embarrassed at myself and how easily I am falling for this sweet talking man while still having some serious reservations about whether we have a life-companion kind of thing here or not.

Then I read Sashen’s blog and remember how much of this is conditioning. I mean, if it took Sashen (who by the way has studied a lot of psychology from a very skeptical point of view) anyway, if it took Sashen 3 hours to shake off a simple, “if you qualify, I can try to get my manager’s approval and show you how you can join us for free,” then I suppose I won’t be too surprised when it take me 3 weeks or 3 months or even 3 years to turn my brain back on when a man showers me with praise and adoration and promises.

And I have promised myself not to act until I’m clear. And if I do?

Lather, rinse, repeat.

*sigh of relief*

And I thought I was slipping.

Love, Ann

“Personalities don’t love. They want something.”

              – Byron Katie in I Need Your Love – Is That True?

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391