People’s Feelings Can Be Hurt – Is that True?

Nothing can hurt people’s feelings but their own thoughts. I do not have any power to hurt anyone. Only they do. I’ll let you download a worksheet (from Pages on the right) and do your own exploration on this.

I’m really sorry people don’t know that, and I can’t help you with what you will not question.

I told someone their belief that a Louise Hay affirmation was going to cure their cold was a “true believer” mentality and a lie. She looked it up and found the definition of “true believer,” and asked if that was what I meant. Yes, it was.

I was not attacking anyone. I used an accurate phrase, “true believer” to describe what was being said.

She quoted Hoffer from Wikipedia:

“mass movements appeal to people who want to escape a flawed self by creating an imaginary self and joining a collective whole.”

Yes, that is the sort of thing I was referring to.

The reason you might think you are hurt by it is because you *agree* with me. Otherwise, it would have no place to land. I could call you a one-eyed pink puffy turtle and you’d just laugh. It would not hurt. This does only because you agree.

She came back with “poor me” and blamed me for the fact that she agree with me.

And it’s been going back and forth with no real new information whatsoever. How boring. Again, a statement that will only bother you if you agree with me.

This tendency to turn our own dislike of something outward and blame someone else is what will ruin your relationships, not what anyone else did or said. But you will cling to the idea that you are a victim of their words or actions in order to avoid responsibility and fail to notice that you were the one you were upset with, not me, not them, not your lover or your mother, for example.

I am completely done with being friends with victims. Yes, I have just a few friends, and it is worth it.

A person can un-friend me or whatever, but I really don’t have time for victims and being blamed for what you think.

“If I had a prayer, it would be this: God please spare me from the desire for love, approval and appreciation.”

You guessed it: Byron Katie.

Love, Ann

With eternal gratitude to the man who taught me to think. It changed my life. Thank you.

Which Meditation Techniques Are Right For You

Meditation Truth

(Reprinted with Permission From the Excellent library of articles on Meditation at   http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2721602)

Which Meditation Techniques Are Right For You

Posted: 18 Dec 2008 04:17 PM CST
If you’re looking for meditation instruction or want to learn some meditation techniques, whether you’re looking for meditation and relaxation techniques, or if you want what you might call spiritual meditation techniques, whether you need anxiety relief, and whether you’re looking for meditation for beginners or advanced students… no matter why you want to meditate, you might want to realize that there are different types of meditation. And not every meditation technique is right for every person.

There’s a reason why Tiger Woods doesn’t play football.

There’s a reason why you don’t want see Henry Kissinger on Dancing with the Stars.

There’s a reason why, as it’s said in ancient texts, the Buddha taught 84,000 different meditation techniques to his 84,000 different students.

There’s a reason why in Hinduism they say that each person has his own god and must discover his own way of praying to and, ultimately, becoming one with that God.

And the reason is obvious: we’re each unique.

Who you are is different than who your neighbor is.

So it’s helpful to work with the way you are, rather than fight the way you are.

In other words, if you are Christian, you may want to explore Christian meditations.  There are dozens.

If you are Jewish, there are many Jewish and Kabbalistic meditations.

If you’re Hindu or Muslim or Buddhist, there are meditations that emphasize the beliefs and ideas inherent in each of those religions.

If you don’t think of yourself as religious, you might want to take a moment to think about your own personal nature, your own psychology.  For example, are you someone who enjoys sitting still in a quiet place, or are you someone who needs to be moving in order to process information? Are you someone who is able to feel sensations in your body easily, or is your body just that thing that happens to be attached to your head?  Do you enjoy probing philosophical ideas and looking for the way things work?  Are you better at following instructions, or would you rather have the barest bit of direction and then go off on your own? Do you easily get absorbed in something that you’re reading or in your own thoughts or feelings, or does your mind easily move from object to object?

You see, none of these are a problem.  There are meditations and meditation techniques designed to work with any one of those situations… and many that I haven’t even brought up.

I have a good friend who was one of the first Western meditation teachers. And asking him to sit down and keep his attention focused in one place for an extended period of time doesn’t produce deep meditation results for him, because that’s not the way he’s built.  But practices that allow his him to move his attention throughout his body, from experience to experience, and investigate deeply what he’s experiencing and how he’s experiencing it… well, with that technique, he’s an ace.  If he had gone to a meditation school that said, “Concentration is the only kind of practice,” he would never have become a great meditation master.

Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a test that you can take, a meditator’s personality test, the Minnesota Multiphasic Meditation Personality Inventory, that identifies different characteristics that you have and different meditation techniques that might fit who you are.  So you may have to poke around a little bit.

This is where your discerning wisdom is important. Because some meditation teachers will say their technique is “the only one” and that you can’t go jumping from practice to practice.  “Like digging a well,” they’ll say, “you have to just keep digging until you hit water.” That’s a great metaphor, but sometimes there’s no water where you’re digging!

So the best suggestion is to find a meditation practice that gives you immediate results, and then dig there for a while.  And if it doesn’t continue to give results, you’ll have to decide for yourself whether you’re trying to dig a well in the desert, or whether you haven’t dug deep enough.  My recommendation is trust yourself rather than getting answers from anyone who has a monetary interest in you agreeing with them.

In other words, if you ask your teacher, “Should I stay, or should I go?” and they say “Stay! And you need to come to the advanced workshop for $5,000,” then, personally, I would go to another meditation teacher.

It’s not uncommon, and in the Tibetan tradition for teachers to say to a student, “I can no longer help you. Here is the name of someone I’d recommend you study with instead.” If your meditation teacher isn’t willing, or able, to make that kind of suggestion then you might consider that important information.

I don’t think that meditation requires believing everything the teacher says.  It’s about becoming independent, and discovering and trusting what is genuinely authentic for you.  Be careful, if someone suggests that they know better.

From Meditation Truth
http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2721602

where there are numerous other highly entertaining and interesting articles on Meditation.

A Home, A Job, A Dream – Trauma and Healing and Gratitude

Today, I could write about 5 blogs.

If you followed a Tag and didn’t find what you were looking for, please write a comment, so I know what you were looking for when you got here.

I woke up about 5 am, maybe earlier. I got out of bed about 5:30 am. This is beginning to be a lot of 5’s – a lot of change, the numerologist in me says.

One thing about living with cats is that you often remember your dreams. Why? The cat wakes you up in the middle of them. That’s why. Maybe it is  feature, not a bug.

Because there is so much, I’m will tell you what I’m going to tell you, tell you and then tell you what I told you. It’s an old formula for writing and speaking that can be very useful. While I may be no good at planning or cleaning, I am phenomenal at organizing. It helps me feel safe, so I got really good at it.

Several things play a part in today’s blog.

I’m going to tell you about home: my childhood home, the home I am working in for a temp job and the home I dream to live and work in.

I’m going to tell you about jobs. My first job was working for my father, beginning when I was about 12. This week, and maybe next, I am working in a house, donated to a mental health center and staffed by psychiatrists, counselors, nurses with office support staff to manage all the paperwork. Then there is my dream job.

I’m going to tell you my dreams, both waking and sleeping dreams. 

This is what an astrologer would call a Chiron story, a story of a wounded healer. Chiron is an asteroid only recently included in astrology.  Chiron is one of the centaurs, half human, half horse, just like my Sun, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Midheaven, which are all in Sagittarius – the sign of the centaur. You know the picture. We carry a bow and arrow and are known both for flinging them wildly and for hitting distant targets. I guess Centaurs have very good eyes. We see deep into people and situations. Other people call us psychic, but really, it’s just about looking rather than looking away. If you want to know more about Chiron and centaurs, check Wikipedia or read Eric Francis at www.planetwaves.net.

Back to the story . . .  

Let’s start with the dreams the cat helped me to remember this morning.

Last night before I went to sleep, I read the first 3 chapters of Peter A. Levine’s book, Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body. I’ve known about Peter’s work for about 7 years. Some of the women I interned with during my master’s program were studying his work at a different school than mine. It sounded good to me, and I bought a copy of his book, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. I know I read some of it. Somewhere during the past 4 years of moving from home to home, I gave it away unfinished. Every now and then, I think I’ll try again.

The first dream the cat helped me to remember is, of course, not completely clear. I remember that someone wanted me to go out with him. It seemed like it was Michael, a former friend’s ex-husband. Okay, I remember thinking about him  yesterday. That makes some sense. I also remember being in an office building. It was kind of vacant and the time was early evening, I think. I was meeting my former roommate or at least he was there. Again, I emailed with him yesterday because he’s bringing me a bill of sale so I can register the car he so generously gave me. The last part of the dream, I was asking a chiropractor, actually, he’s the husband of a chiropractor I saw for many years. He rarely practices, but he is trained. I was asking him if I could pay his lowest price for a single adjustment. Single adjustments usually cost much more. He is a Network Chiropractor. I see a Flow Chiropractor now. But clearly the dream was about men, support and healing.

The second dream the cat helped me remember was about my childhood home. I was driving by and realized that the original red brick was back (some insensitive boob has actually painted the rich red brick, and it is now a creamy yellow – yuck). There were bushes sitting in pots ready to be planted. They were ligustrum, gardenia and something I used to call a bee bush, no idea what it really is, but the bees liked the white flowers. The old gardenias were dried and frazzled, but still alive and someone had removed them and placed them in pots. I suppose the nursery planned to bring them back to life.

Mema, my maternal grandmother, was there. She said that Mother still had the house and was refurbishing it. In the dream, I wondered what the rent would be and wondered about living there. I wondered if I could create my intentional healing community there.

I read both these dreams as stories of healing, healing trauma and sexual abuse, which is what this blog is mostly all about.

From my reading last night, here is a list from Peter Levine’s Healing Trauma.

Oh, first, let me say what trauma is.

On page 8, Levine says that after 30 years, it is still a challenge for him to define trauma. He says, “What I do know is that we become traumatized when our ability to respond to a perceived threat is in some way overwhelmed. This inability to adequately respond can impact us in obvious ways, as well as ways that are subtle.”

On page 20, Levine says, “The symptoms of trauma can be stable, that is, ever-present. They can also be unstable, meaning that they can come and go and be triggered by stress. Or they can remain hidden for decades and suddenly surface. Usually, symptoms do not occur individually, but come in groups. They often grow increasingly complex over time, becoming less and less connected with the original trauma experience.”

There are a lot of good lists in Levine’s book. It’s short and comes with a CD of guided exercises for re-visiting trauma and healing the body memories and associated symptoms. 

So, back to the lists I mentioned. You’ll find a list of “Obvious Causes of Trauma” and “Less Obvious Causes of Trauma” on pages 14 and 15. Levine suggests we pay attention to our bodies as we read these and notice any uneasiness or discomfort. I’ll let you get the book and do that.

He categorizes symptoms this way:

1. Hyperarousal
2. Constriction
3. Dissociation and denial
4. Feelings of helplessness, immobility and freezing

Now, here’s that list found on pages 18 – 20:

Symptoms: A Lengthy List 

• Hypervigilence (being “on guard” at all times)
• Intrusive imagery or flashbacks
• Extreme sensitivity to light and sound
• Hyperactivity
• Exaggerated emotional and startle responses
• Nightmares and night terrors
• Abrupt mood swings (rage reactions or temper tantrums, frequent anger, or crying)
• Shame and lack of self-worth
• Reduced ability to deal with stress (easily and frequently stressed out)
• Difficulty sleeping

Then he says some symptoms “can show up later, even years later.” He mentions that we are not meant to diagnose with these lists, just “get a feel for how trauma symptoms behave.”

• Panic attacks, anxiety and phobias
• Mental “blankness” or spaced-out feelings
• Avoidance behavior ( avoiding places, activities, movements, memories or people)
• Attraction to dangerous situations
• Addictive behaviors (overeating, drinking, smoking, etc.)
• Exaggerated or diminished sexual activity
• Amnesia and forgetfulness
• Inability to love, nurture, or bond with other individuals
• Fear of dying or having a shortened life
• Self-mutilation (severe abuse, self-inflicted cuting, etc.)
• Loss of sustaining beliefs (spiritual, religious, interpersonal)

Then he gives another list and says these “generally take longer to develop” (page 19). “In most cases, they may have been preceded by some of the earlier symptoms.”

• Excessive shyness
• Diminished emotional responses
• Inability to make commitments
• Chronic fatigue or very low physical energy
• Immune system problems and certain endocrine problems such as thyroid malfunction and environmental sensitivities
• Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly headaches, migraines, neck and back problems
• Chronic pain
• Fibromyalgia
• Asthma
• Skin disorders
• Digestive proglems (spastic colon)
• Severe premenstrual syndrome
• Depressionand feelings of impending doom
• Feelings of detachment, alienation and isolation (“living dead” feelings)
• Reduced ability to formulate plans

I imagine we have all experienced enough trauma, even mild trauma, that reading these lists make us feel a little edgy.

So, take a deep breath . . . several.

When you’re ready, continue.

There is one last symptom on page 20. Levine calls it “The Compulsion to Repeat.” It is well worth reading the story he tells there. It is an amazingly specific example.

Now, what does all of this have to do with this blog? Or with “A Home, A Job, A Dream.” I think you are beginning to see. Some of you, especially those with similar experiences to mine, see very clearly. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you are still reading.

Trauma is a clear case of “reality is kinder than our thinking.”

Remember, it doesn’t matter if the threat is real or what is really going on. Thunder can traumatize a baby, says Levine, but there is no real danger. It is the perception that brings on these trauma symptoms. I’m not saying they are not real. Trust me, they are. I’ll get into some of my own symptoms as we go, and I’ve mentioned a lot of them in previous blogs.

But what Katie says is true, “The worst that can happen is a thought.”

Once we re-think the situation, and I feel Levine is right, we need to include the body in this re-thinking, once we re-think a situation, change our perception of it, healing happens.

A Course in Miracles  says “projection makes perception.” (Text, page 445) We project our thoughts onto people and situations, and believe this to be reality. It’s not. ACIM says we live in a dream world, not in reality. The 365 daily meditations in the workbook and the Text and Manual for Teachers are support in changing our perceptions and waking up to reality.

I call The Work of Byron Katie, A Course in Miracles in 4 questions and a Turn Around. It is much faster. I’m not necessarily saying it’s better, though. Time is a godsend when we are healing and taking a year or more to do A Course in Miracles can be very beneficial.

Steven Sashen gives a great and simple example of reality being kinder than his thinking in his Anti-Guru blog.

http://sashen.com/blog/34/rearranging-furniture-in-imaginary-houses/

Read his version. Basically, one element of his therapy for years was the idea that his parents took $42 from him as a child. The truth was much kinder than his thinking.

Steven is a great example of the Chiron archetype. After years of what you might call financial trauma, he woke up. The seminal event had more to do with relationships, and it generalized to everything. Reality was much kinder than his thinking, and he lived to tell the tale. I wish the book were out. Write and ask him for it. (steven@sashen.com)

And ask when he’s going to teach his next seminar, too. He only teaches on request.

The next seminar will hopefully be on the Instant Advanced Meditation or IAM.

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

If Katie’s Work is ACIM in 4 questions and a Turn Around, Steven’s IAM is a kinder reality now. It really is instantaneous.

Again, instantaneous is not necessarily “better.” Sometimes a full Worksheet in Katie’s way is exactly what I needed. Sometimes A Course in Miracles. Sometimes IAM. 

I’ve learned a lot from Steven.

So on with my story.  

I’ve told you about last night’s dreams, which include my childhood home. Let me tell you about a job.

Right now, I’m working a temp job at a place that houses counselors, nurses and psychiatrists who see the mentally and developmentally challenged members of our community. There is also an office manager, a person who helps these clients manage their money, and a couple of other business support staff.

Maybe I work temp jobs because I was traumatized by working for my father and going down on him both at the office and at home. I always knew some day I’d grow up and be able to work some other job. But there’s that compulsion to repeat that Levine mentions. I even had sex with co-workers at my very next job, working for an attorney when I was 16 and just out of high school.

I’ve been blessed to be supported by boyfriends and husbands for several periods in my life. This has allowed me to go to school, write, teach and work towards doing something with my background that might be healing for others and continue my own healing in the process.

That’s the job I really want. Well, more truthfully, that’s the job I really have.

So, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, I’ll bet you can put some pieces together and understand how it is that I have tried many major leaps to see how they would go in my attempts to create my dream home, which is my dream job. I moved to Georgia one year to see if I could build my dream there. My dream is how I came to go to Ireland last September. It is what I dreamed of doing with Audrey’s home. It is why I jumped in feet first to see if Paul was the partner I dreamed of who would work with me and complement my talents of writing, teaching and counseling, with his talents in storytelling, sales and money management.

When something looks like the Next Step toward my dream, I take it.

A Home, A Job and A Dream – Healing Trauma

It is my dream to live in an intentional community where I work with like-minded others teaching, writing and counseling.

Maybe I’ll post the latest version of that as a Cowgirl Interlude.

I would love to find others who share that dream with me, living and working together.

In fact, let me put that as a request.

If you feel moved to live and work with others who have experienced life paths of trauma, healing trauma and sharing with others about how to heal trauma, especially the perceived threat of sexual abuse, comment on this blog. I will reply to all serious inquiries.

We need funding, a location, a business manager, an editor, a book publisher, a computer geek or three, as well as teachers, healers, counselors and writers.

So that is my story of my childhood home and jobs, my current home and jobs, and how they relate to my waking and sleeping dreams.

It’s almost time to go to the temp job, so I’ll post this and I may edit it some over the next few days.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love and many blessings, Ann

Shampoo Series – Spiritual Enlightenment – What If?

What if . . .

Think of the things you complain about, dread and dislike in your life. Make a list.

Now, what if your happiness, your peace, your “spiritual enlightenment,” depended on having exactly those things in your life?

We have this idea that if we achieve these concepts of happiness, peace and spiritual enlightenment everything will be some kind of “All Bliss, All the Time.”

Well, check.

I was at the Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, when someone said that she couldn’t follow her spiritual calling unless she had the freedom to move out of state, something she cannot do with her child, by divorce decree.

Steven looked at her and asked, “Nelson Mandela was in prison for how long?”

We all laughed.

“And the Christian saints and martyrs? They were free to move and travel about all the time, right?”

Er…

I added, “and Ghandi got around really well while he was fasting.”

No, he could barely lay on his pallet sometimes he was so weak from fasting from what I have heard.

For myself, incest in my childhood, the exciting and exhilarating journey from grief to gratitude, were all part of following my spiritual calling. The story is in this blog.

So, the next time you have a complaint or some stress you think is keeping you from . . . anything . . . check. It might be merely the next step in following your spiritual calling.

Love, Ann

Shampoo Series – “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” Lesson 153, A Course in Miracles

There is no incompatibility between me and Paul that total defenselessness wouldn’t solve. That may be true with everyone, of course. There is only One of us here.

“Defenselessness is strength. It testifies to recognition of the Christ in you. Perhaps you will recall the text maintains that choice is always made between Christ’s strength and your own weakness, seen apart from Him. Defenselessness can never be attacked, because it recognizes strength so great attack is folly, or a silly game a tired child might play, when he becomes too sleepy to remember what he wants.

Defensiveness is weakness. It proclaims you have denied the Christ and come to fear His Father’s anger. What can save you now from your delusion of an angry god, whose fearful image you believe you see at work in all the evils of the world? What but illusions could defend you now, when it is but illusions that you fight?”

The full text of this lesson is found here:

 http://miraclevision.com/acim/wbk/pc/workbook153-1.html

 The terminology of A Course in Miracles is very Christian. I like that.

Katie says, “Defense is the first attack.” 

Can you find that?

Think of 3 ways you can prove that thought from your own experience and understanding.

Love, Ann

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

                                               – Ann O’Johnson

5 Minutes to Deep Peace on Thursday 9/13

You will be entertained at the very least and enlightenment is an option.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Thursday, 9/13, there is a teleconference call where you can learn more about this. There will be sample meditations and a chance at a free gift worth $400.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310 

Trust me. You want to try this. The IAM Meditations are the product of the fertile mind of Steven Sashen who is also responsible for much of the Shampoo Method we talk about here every day.

It’s completely safe. I’d trust this guy with my life.

This feeling, this is what we have all been looking for our whole lives. It’s like coming home.

Love, Ann  

Cowgirl Interlude – Thank U India – Alanis Morrissette

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1ZVV09vTU8 

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I’m filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots  (!)
How about that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

yeah yeah
ahh ohhh
ahhh ho oh
ahhh ho ohhhhhh
yeaahhhh yeahh

Cowgirl Interlude – Time of Your Life (Good Riddance)

“Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”

Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth it was worth all the while

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Jen Lancaster? She Rocks.

I am so totally getting into this book by Jen Lancaster: Bright Lights, Big Ass.

http://www.jennsylvania.com/

I tried a part time job at my favorite major bookseller, Borders. I was hoping to garner enough to pay rent on a part time, later hours job, so that I could entertain myself writing this blog in the mornings, and eventually, the book of Ann’s Tale.  I twisted my ankle at Paul’s son’s graduation back on Memory Day, and reluctantly took my leave of the 8 hour shifts of standing. Well, I don’t miss the standing part, but I do miss working with book people and getting paid to tell people what to read all day. That was awesome.

Did you know the whole store is your personal library if you work for them? Ooo la la! And you can check out the publisher’s advance copies of beaucoups of fabulous new books. Man, oh man. Book Worm Heaven!

So, our trainer, Reba, she told us one day we could take any book we liked from a stack of these promo copies. She said she personally recommended this Jen Lancaster book, Bright Eyes, Big Ass. So, I went for it.

And Jen? Jen can write like a Valley Girl Erma Bombeck.

Oh. My. God.

Like that.

You totally know what her voice inflection would be like if she was sitting there sipping coffee with you while you laugh your ass off at her book. I mean uproariously. If I weren’t so unselfconscious and exhibitionistic I would not read this in public! I laugh at this book like there is no tomorrow.

I am kinda known for my laugh anyway. I really let myself go when I laugh (or cry).

I’ve already found myself at the Braying Donkey, a new coffee shop,  with a girl who refuses to speak to me because I once moved in – as a roommate – with one of her exes she broke up with 2 years before that!1 Well, I was reading Jen Lancaster and looked up to spy Becky just sitting there, turned in her chair so her back was to me, so she could, like, pretend she didn’t know I was there. But then I’m laughing to beat the band at this Jen Lancaster book. There’s no way on Earth that everyone didn’t know I was there. People passing by on the street looked in to see what was so damned funny.

Honestly, when I first looked at the book, I thought there was no way I was going to like it. Why? It wasn’t science fiction. It wasn’t a mystery. And it mentions current events and celebrities. 2

But I? I heart Jen Lancaster.

My trainer used that one, too. Pretty clear what it means. Who knew that ancient bumper sticker would become a colloquialism?

Jen writes these cute little footnotes to her stories, too. 3

She spices up the book with little emails she writes to her girlfriends about her day. I won’t try that one here because I don’t know how to put it in a text box and make it look right.

She reads like your favorite gossipy neighbor next door. And it’s amazing how hilarious that can be . . . and how hopeful.

So, look her up if you need a laugh, and sometimes I just really, really do. It could relieve your depression.

Jen Lancaster, the next Erma Bombeck.

http://www.jennsylvania.com/

Besides, I like anyone who hates Halloween as much as I do!

Love, Ann

1 – I tried to call her about it and she never returned my phone calls. I figured he was being a better friend than she was, so I packed my bags and moved in, trading cooking for rent. Our rooms were on opposite sides of a living room in a remodeled high school and I swear I never touched him.

2. I don’t even watch TV and very few movies.

3. Like this, but she knows how to superscript her footnotes and I haven’t figured that out on WordPress.

Shampoo Series – Pavlov

Hi guys,

I was just looking at Steven Sashen’s latest Anti-Guru Blog and was enjoying the current one so much, that I scrolled back to read another, and another, and another.

I was glad I did because I got to re-read this one:

http://sashen.com/blog/26/look-ma-no-brains/

It was a relief to remember that some of the reactions I have are simple conditioning.

You know, some guy tells me he will love me forever, has been looking for me for 32 years, wants to spoil me – and my brain just shuts off, while I go padding after those carrots with my tongue hanging out. Sure, all of that may be true, but then again, who knows? One of us could get hit by a truck today.

I’m paying attention to noticing the part where my brain shuts off.

I just love the honesty of this guy, Sashen.

Yeah, I know sometimes Sashen sounds like a total asshole, but trust me, he’s not. He is just possessed of an extremely acerbic wit. I tend to laugh my ass off around him. He has been known to say, “I don’t play well with others.”  

Neither do I, sometimes.

I do a lot of temp jobs right now to pay the rent.

It’s essentially mindless work – answer a few phones, type something, file something. And it pays enough that I can often get by with a few weeks of it and then take a few weeks off. I like that a lot, a whole lot.

When that happens, I get to sit down of a morning and write these letters to you. I enjoy the hell out of that. (Hmm, that’s the title of Ramone Yaciuk’s book, Enjoy the Hell Out of Your Life. Saw his author talk last night at Borders. Good job, Ramone! www.mycommunicationworks.com )

Anyway, so here I am experiencing brain shut-down on a daily basis and wondering what to do next.

Ah… needing a Next Step. I know how to find those!

So, I get out my Goal-Free Goal Setting meditation.

(Umm, if you want one, go through http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391 and get the whole IAM CD set. It is well worth it and there’s a lifetime guarantee and free samples. )

Did the meditation, got the . . . hmm . . . I should get a t-shirt, but that’s another of Sashen’s sites – www.delightenment.com

I haven’t found the exact one I want yet. Actually, I want “Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity” in a lovely white script on a pink T-shirt. I just don’t know if I’d actually wear it, so I’ve been hesitating on creating it.

Anyway, I did the Goal-Free Goal Setting for like 40 days on the idea of getting married. Then this guy, Paul, shows up. I have done the meditation once or twice in the last month since he showed up. Today, I did it again and then wondered whether Steven had blogged lately. He has. They are a ton of fun.

I have been feeling embarrassed at myself and how easily I am falling for this sweet talking man while still having some serious reservations about whether we have a life-companion kind of thing here or not.

Then I read Sashen’s blog and remember how much of this is conditioning. I mean, if it took Sashen (who by the way has studied a lot of psychology from a very skeptical point of view) anyway, if it took Sashen 3 hours to shake off a simple, “if you qualify, I can try to get my manager’s approval and show you how you can join us for free,” then I suppose I won’t be too surprised when it take me 3 weeks or 3 months or even 3 years to turn my brain back on when a man showers me with praise and adoration and promises.

And I have promised myself not to act until I’m clear. And if I do?

Lather, rinse, repeat.

*sigh of relief*

And I thought I was slipping.

Love, Ann

“Personalities don’t love. They want something.”

              – Byron Katie in I Need Your Love – Is That True?

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391