Shampoo Series – Pavlov

Hi guys,

I was just looking at Steven Sashen’s latest Anti-Guru Blog and was enjoying the current one so much, that I scrolled back to read another, and another, and another.

I was glad I did because I got to re-read this one:

http://sashen.com/blog/26/look-ma-no-brains/

It was a relief to remember that some of the reactions I have are simple conditioning.

You know, some guy tells me he will love me forever, has been looking for me for 32 years, wants to spoil me – and my brain just shuts off, while I go padding after those carrots with my tongue hanging out. Sure, all of that may be true, but then again, who knows? One of us could get hit by a truck today.

I’m paying attention to noticing the part where my brain shuts off.

I just love the honesty of this guy, Sashen.

Yeah, I know sometimes Sashen sounds like a total asshole, but trust me, he’s not. He is just possessed of an extremely acerbic wit. I tend to laugh my ass off around him. He has been known to say, “I don’t play well with others.”  

Neither do I, sometimes.

I do a lot of temp jobs right now to pay the rent.

It’s essentially mindless work – answer a few phones, type something, file something. And it pays enough that I can often get by with a few weeks of it and then take a few weeks off. I like that a lot, a whole lot.

When that happens, I get to sit down of a morning and write these letters to you. I enjoy the hell out of that. (Hmm, that’s the title of Ramone Yaciuk’s book, Enjoy the Hell Out of Your Life. Saw his author talk last night at Borders. Good job, Ramone! www.mycommunicationworks.com )

Anyway, so here I am experiencing brain shut-down on a daily basis and wondering what to do next.

Ah… needing a Next Step. I know how to find those!

So, I get out my Goal-Free Goal Setting meditation.

(Umm, if you want one, go through http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391 and get the whole IAM CD set. It is well worth it and there’s a lifetime guarantee and free samples. )

Did the meditation, got the . . . hmm . . . I should get a t-shirt, but that’s another of Sashen’s sites – www.delightenment.com

I haven’t found the exact one I want yet. Actually, I want “Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity” in a lovely white script on a pink T-shirt. I just don’t know if I’d actually wear it, so I’ve been hesitating on creating it.

Anyway, I did the Goal-Free Goal Setting for like 40 days on the idea of getting married. Then this guy, Paul, shows up. I have done the meditation once or twice in the last month since he showed up. Today, I did it again and then wondered whether Steven had blogged lately. He has. They are a ton of fun.

I have been feeling embarrassed at myself and how easily I am falling for this sweet talking man while still having some serious reservations about whether we have a life-companion kind of thing here or not.

Then I read Sashen’s blog and remember how much of this is conditioning. I mean, if it took Sashen (who by the way has studied a lot of psychology from a very skeptical point of view) anyway, if it took Sashen 3 hours to shake off a simple, “if you qualify, I can try to get my manager’s approval and show you how you can join us for free,” then I suppose I won’t be too surprised when it take me 3 weeks or 3 months or even 3 years to turn my brain back on when a man showers me with praise and adoration and promises.

And I have promised myself not to act until I’m clear. And if I do?

Lather, rinse, repeat.

*sigh of relief*

And I thought I was slipping.

Love, Ann

“Personalities don’t love. They want something.”

              – Byron Katie in I Need Your Love – Is That True?

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391