Shampoo Series – Handling Criticism

Say I told you that you were a 500 pound green alien?

Would that bother you? No.

You don’t believe you are a 500 pound green alien. You don’t even think they exist.

But if I told you that you were too fat or too dumb or a failure or whatever your own pet insecurity is, yes, it would bother you a lot.

It would also bother you if you thought I was fat or dumb or a failure, but I’m sure you could care less if I were a 500 pound green alien, other than you might want to capture, study or talk to me.

Why?

Because you believe it of yourself.

And you don’t like it.

In other words, you agree!!!

And you don’t like that in yourself.

Do you see the way out?

Would you like to reduce the stress and enjoy it the next time someone criticizes you/agrees with you?

Try saying this: 

“I can see that. What do you suggest?”

Try it. See what happens. 

Many thanks and much love to Steven Sashen who taught me this much truer perspective on annoyance.

Love, Ann

Cowgirl Interlude – Time of Your Life (Good Riddance)

“Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”

Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth it was worth all the while

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Shampoo Series – Broken or Just Not Yet Blooming?

I started this blog over a month ago and I still feel like I’m fumbling with concepts that have to be experienced to be understood.  I have trouble thinking anyone can read this blog and “get” what I’m talking about.

I was thinking about Paul, about how we don’t seem to “meet” in most of my worldview and concepts. I mistakenly gave the impression that I felt he was “broken.” I was driving along one day, thinking about that, and wondering what would be a better way to say it, and I decided that it was closer to say he just wasn’t in full bloom. Maybe.

Then last night at a Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, Sashen talked about cause & effect in terms of a rosebud.

What Sashen was saying is that we do these “non-technique techniques” and think that we caused something, when actually, if we threw the rosebud in a closet, it would still bloom.

Most likely, when we came back to find the rosebud in full bloom, we would think that our “technique” did it, when actually, the rose would have bloomed had we done nothing at all.

I used to think no one could have these “blooming experiences” with words. I was wrong. I’ve had some really amazing experiences from “just words” since then.  

“Which words?” you may be thinking.

The ones I write about here – The Work of Byron Katie, Instant Advanced Meditations (IAM) by Steven Sashen, and Jason Shulman’s book Kabbalistic Healing are my best examples.

But Steven is right. These are not “techniques” the way we usually think of them. And furthermore, when we use them to get some predictable outcome they don’t “work.”

Counselors & healers seem to think people are “broken.”

That’s part of why I have never worked as a counselor in an agency. The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Volume IV) is just a big storybook about how people can be “broken.”

I don’t buy it and I certainly can’t sell it.

Of course, what I do buy can still be used as a way to “help,” “heal,” or “fix” things.

The minute we do that they don’t “work.”

It seems to be when I just play around with them to see what happens, some of the most amazing things “happen.”

Sashen, Katie and Shulman, and come to think of it, David Deida’s “opening as,” and Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now are all word-based things that seem to create some kind of “experience.”

I used to call those experiences “healing.”

But that would imply I was sick.

Was I?

I don’t think so. I was just doing what humans do.

Hopefully, Steven’s monthly IAM Chit-Chat tomorrow call will shed some more light on this . . . and how to talk and write about it.

Love, Ann

PS – I know Paul and some of his friends read this blog. Would you mind dropping me a comment or an email to say whether this is clear to you or not?  Thanks!

Ping

My Yogi Tea tab today says:

“Where there is love, there is no question.”

My friend in London sent me a gorgeous voice recording of Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare. I’ll post that as a Cowgirl Interlude soon.

Paul sent me “On the Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady.

He is on his way to Phoenix to meet my mother and her husband?

Oh, how did that happen? Well, Mother is cleaning out some books. She had a couple of Linda Goodman’s astrology books to give away and wondered if I wanted them. I don’t, but Paul was interested in taking a look at them. Okay. Now he is on his way to Phoenix. He has business there, and he will be visiting his parents. Then he will have dinner with Mother and her husband on Thursday.

Me?

Oh Jeez. I don’t know!

It’s just the most romantic thing that’s every happened to me and I’ve had a lot of romance in my life, a lot.

I’m nervous. That’s what.

I only know one person who did a complete about-face on a relationship. Steven Sashen’s wife did that. The story is in Byron Katie’s second book,  I Need Your Love – Is That True? It wasn’t until Sashen really let go of the tension of wanting a relationship with her that things relaxed, clarity prevailed and she looked at him and thought that she could have the freedom and love she had always wanted.

Up until then, she was not interested in him.

That gave them a couple of years to become friends first. She says that made all the difference. Steven proved he’d be there, that he wanted more than a fantasy. That took some time.

And I’ve got time.

I will marry when it is simply the Next thing to do.

I will marry when there is no aching, needing, wanting, gotta have it on either side – mine or my husband’s. When marrying is the next obvious step to having the life that each of us wants. When it is not an attempt to fill some imaginary void inside, but an expression of the fullness of who I am, and who he is.

I want that decision to arise naturally and spontaneously from a place of peace and clarity.

I think you begin to understand that now if you’ve read a few of these blogs.

You also understand why, when we are “needing” and “wanting” it tells me clearly that in that moment, that this is not it.

And when we are clear and peaceful, I can see the possibility.

Now, when *I* am clear and peaceful about marrying someone – Paul or whomever – then and only then, will I say, “yes.”

Ideally, all decisions – cars, furniture, vacations – arise from that clear, peaceful, God-centered spontaneous place.

Love, Ann

“Success is a side-effect of clarity.”

                   – Steven Sashen

                    http://sashen.com/blog/

Shampoo Series – Inner Health

Health

I have learned that most health issues – physical, mental and emotional  – have to do with using our body as a toxic dump for things that were never meant to go in our mouths (or our minds.)

This is rooted in lack of spiritual trust, relaxation and peace.

We think we have to do things to support and protect ourselves from the illusion of attacks from “outside.” There is no “outside.” All that stuff we think is attacking us, be it other people, viruses, pollution, disagreement, countries, ALL of it, is our own THINKING.

“Reality is kinder than your thinking.”  Byron Katie

We terrorize ourselves with lies and stories about the past and the future and this keeps us from experiencing a True Present.

The habitual tension and stress keeps our bodies in a nearly constant state of agitation and red alert both waking and sleeping, which tears down our mental, emotional and physical health over the years. Depending on our diet and exercise habits, this creates illness (aka dis-EASE) of various types.

Meditation reconnects us with a true present and inner peace.

Then, and only then, can we really begin to heal.

IAM meditations are still my favorites.

Starting back in the 80’s I have sporadically done cleanses, mostly Arise & Shine – www.ariseandshine.com. If you like to read, I would highly recommend Dr. Richard Anderson’s book, Cleanse and Purify Thyself. Basically, we need to clean out the toxic dump that we’ve poured coffee, white sugar, white flour, cooked foods and other unnatural substances into all of these years. First, remove the toxins, then support it by not doing that anymore.

We use herbs, lots of good clean water, whole foods in their natural state, etc. to support that health.

We do yoga, exercise, sex and breathwork to bring our bodies into better physical balance.

We talk with others – counselors, friends, and support groups (like the 12 Step groups, and group counseling, seminars and workshops) to return to mental/emotional health.

We question our thoughts with The Work of Byron Katie, Quantum Wealth, Sedona Method and other paths to clarity.

And we continue to meditate and stay connected to our inner wisdom to know specifically which of these to do and when. We make no decisions for ourselves. We allow Guidance to arise from within.

Thus, when life’s seeming challenges arise – death of a loved one, divorce, a dis-ease, job issues, relationship questions – we go inside, find that inner peace in Wholeness, and we are guided in peace and truth.

I could say much more about the details of which healing modalities I have found valuable through the years, but I think the framework is enough for now.

I ran this much of the article by my friend in London and he reminded me of somthing very important:

It is just as stressful to make “health” a rule or a requirement.

If we try to use external “rules” instead of inner guidance then those external, stressful, imposed ideas or concepts about how things “should be” can be just as counterproductive as junk food.

Our Guidance may be to eat the chocolate chip cookie.

Love, Ann

“Health is a result of relinquishing attack thoughts.”

                          –  A Course in Miracles

Shampoo Series – Pavlov

Hi guys,

I was just looking at Steven Sashen’s latest Anti-Guru Blog and was enjoying the current one so much, that I scrolled back to read another, and another, and another.

I was glad I did because I got to re-read this one:

http://sashen.com/blog/26/look-ma-no-brains/

It was a relief to remember that some of the reactions I have are simple conditioning.

You know, some guy tells me he will love me forever, has been looking for me for 32 years, wants to spoil me – and my brain just shuts off, while I go padding after those carrots with my tongue hanging out. Sure, all of that may be true, but then again, who knows? One of us could get hit by a truck today.

I’m paying attention to noticing the part where my brain shuts off.

I just love the honesty of this guy, Sashen.

Yeah, I know sometimes Sashen sounds like a total asshole, but trust me, he’s not. He is just possessed of an extremely acerbic wit. I tend to laugh my ass off around him. He has been known to say, “I don’t play well with others.”  

Neither do I, sometimes.

I do a lot of temp jobs right now to pay the rent.

It’s essentially mindless work – answer a few phones, type something, file something. And it pays enough that I can often get by with a few weeks of it and then take a few weeks off. I like that a lot, a whole lot.

When that happens, I get to sit down of a morning and write these letters to you. I enjoy the hell out of that. (Hmm, that’s the title of Ramone Yaciuk’s book, Enjoy the Hell Out of Your Life. Saw his author talk last night at Borders. Good job, Ramone! www.mycommunicationworks.com )

Anyway, so here I am experiencing brain shut-down on a daily basis and wondering what to do next.

Ah… needing a Next Step. I know how to find those!

So, I get out my Goal-Free Goal Setting meditation.

(Umm, if you want one, go through http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391 and get the whole IAM CD set. It is well worth it and there’s a lifetime guarantee and free samples. )

Did the meditation, got the . . . hmm . . . I should get a t-shirt, but that’s another of Sashen’s sites – www.delightenment.com

I haven’t found the exact one I want yet. Actually, I want “Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity” in a lovely white script on a pink T-shirt. I just don’t know if I’d actually wear it, so I’ve been hesitating on creating it.

Anyway, I did the Goal-Free Goal Setting for like 40 days on the idea of getting married. Then this guy, Paul, shows up. I have done the meditation once or twice in the last month since he showed up. Today, I did it again and then wondered whether Steven had blogged lately. He has. They are a ton of fun.

I have been feeling embarrassed at myself and how easily I am falling for this sweet talking man while still having some serious reservations about whether we have a life-companion kind of thing here or not.

Then I read Sashen’s blog and remember how much of this is conditioning. I mean, if it took Sashen (who by the way has studied a lot of psychology from a very skeptical point of view) anyway, if it took Sashen 3 hours to shake off a simple, “if you qualify, I can try to get my manager’s approval and show you how you can join us for free,” then I suppose I won’t be too surprised when it take me 3 weeks or 3 months or even 3 years to turn my brain back on when a man showers me with praise and adoration and promises.

And I have promised myself not to act until I’m clear. And if I do?

Lather, rinse, repeat.

*sigh of relief*

And I thought I was slipping.

Love, Ann

“Personalities don’t love. They want something.”

              – Byron Katie in I Need Your Love – Is That True?

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

Impossible!

Hi,

Just thought I’d let you know that Paul, that’s his name – Paul, the guy who reconnected with me through Classmates.com, will be visiting me here in glorious California at the end of June.

I have a feeling we’ll know by then whether we want to try to get geographically closer and see if this thing flies.

I said it would take an Act of God to get me to move back to the heat of New Mexico – ever. Paul says he’d love to live in California, but his parents are in their 80’s, living in New Mexico in a retirement home, and he may need/want to be near them for a while. He’s been considering moving up there for a while. He has a 13 year old son in Wisconsin, though.So, says I, this is a job for Goal-Free Goal Setting! and its various pieces.

Instant Advanced Meditation – Free Sample & Lifetime Guarantee

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

I know there is a Next Step that makes sense and resolves all of those factors satisfactorily. I suspect I may spend 6 months (WINTER months!) in California, and see where things are after that.

Zippity Do Dah, Zippity A.
My oh my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine headin’ my way
Zippity Do Dah, Zippity A.

Yeah, we both burst into song at odd moments.

So far, I have received the following YouTube love letters:

Shanghai Breezes by John Denver

Peaceful Easy Feeling by the Eagles

A fantastic short summary of the movie “Joe vs. the Volcano,” which we watched together when I visited him on Memory Day Weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh-Zjqa5_ys

And I’ve replied with things like:

Thank U by Alanis Morrissette

and Impossible from Cinderella.

One way or another, we’re making a movie of this. We seem to have a soundtrack going.

Love, Ann

“Impossible! for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage
And four white mice will never be fourt white horses.
Such folly wolly fiddle-dee-dee of courses!
Impossible!

But the world is full of zanies and fools
Who don’t believe in sensible rules
Who don’t believe what sensible people say.

And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes
Keep building up impossible hopes – impossible!

Things are happening every day!

Instant Advanced Meditation – Free Sample & Lifetime Guaranteehttp://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

Peace Now

Do you know how to find World Peace?

The IAM Meditations are the simplest, most profound and deepest I’ve ever been. Peaceful, not stressful.

Just wanted to share, in case you’d been thinking about it.

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

I’ve been meditating for 40 years. My mother taught me to meditate when I was a child. I started delving deeply into finding more peace and more spirit in my life very early.

I agree completely with Steven:

There is no reason to sit on my butt in a cave for 30 years feeling like I’m not “getting it.”

http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391 

World peace starts with peace in my own mind.

There is no other way.

It’s free to try it.

Love, Ann

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause effect relationship.”

Instant Advanced Meditation – Free Sample
http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391

“And I dreamed I saw the bomber death planes
Riding shotgun in the sky
Turning into butterflies
Above our nation

We are stardust, we are golden
We are caught in the devil’s bargain
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.”

                       – Joni Mitchell
                         Woodstock

Shampoo Series – The Finger – Sex and Anger

Everyone knows this one.

The finger. The bird.

It means something that is both sex and anger.

There’s a clue here.

I’ve been in groups of women over the past few years where one or another of us has made the statement that we would make a sacrifice for our country and do the nasty with Dubya if it would just get us out of the war. The man is clearly sex-deprived. All that misplaced creative energy spent in a fuck you war, rather than the bliss of two bodies blending.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Everything and nothing, really.

In some ways, George W. Bush is the best thing that could have happened to our country. It’s like what I said in a blog a few days ago – for things to be perfect, something has to go wrong. If that isn’t intuitively obvious, read the blog. There’s a search box on the right.

I’m not saying that the only or even the best way to handle anger is to have sex; however, when our creative energies don’t have anywhere to go, anger is the likely result.

What’s the opposite of anger?

According to Phil Laut, the healthy side of anger is Determination. My experience supports this. He says, “Anger is the intent to do something, contaminated with the illusion of helplessness.”

Love that.

You might want to read it twice.

Notice that it says the “illusion” of helplessness. Why? Because we’re not helpless! Ever? Ever. Do I need to bring up Victor Frankl again?

A Course in Miracles says that “All anger is the attempt to make someone feel guilty.”

In other words, it’s manipulative. It’s a projection. And it is not real.

Depression, they say, is anger turned inward.

Does that fit with your experience if you’ve ever been depressed?

Sex can be good for depression.  : ) 

There is a lifestyle called “Taken In Hand,” that is basically a Domestic Discipline relationship, similar to a Domination/submission relationship that seems to involve spanking and sex. There is a web site about this. I’m not going to try to analyze all of the sex and anger components here or how that works for couples involved with it, but it has some interesting aspects.

Is there a difference between sex and making love? There could be. Those could be opposites to some people depending on how you think about them.

Casual Sex and Lovemaking? Casual Relationship and Commited Relationship?

Separation and Union? Alone and Together?

Frustrated and Satisfied. Now, there’s a pair!

Aroused and indifferent? Hmm.

What other opposites can you think of that relate to sex and/or anger?

I’ve mentioned a lot of potential opposite pairs. Does that suggest one of the Shampoo Methods?

Mm hmm. Re-Pairing Opposites.

The directions are over there under Pages anytime you want them, but here they are again, too.

Take a pair of opposites like Anger & Determination or Frustrated & Satisfied.

Imagine Anger (or whatever you are working with) in one hand. Make it a pretty complete picture with all 5 senses.

Imagine Determination in the other hand. Again, make it complete as you can.

Then go back and forth, noticing the differences.

At some point, you will realize that you are bouncing back and forth between a kind of black/white, good/bad duality and that there is a third place.

Let’s call this third place the “truth place,” a place beyond duality, the whole of the yin-yang, not the parts.

If you are using your hands for the pair, you may notice that this 3rd place is the fulcrum, at your heart.

Bring your hands together at a rate of speed that is comfortable for you and place your palms against your heart. Breathe into this whole, truth place and notice any shifts in your energy, any relaxing.

Wonder what your Next Step might be now that you are in a place of wholeness. It may be more exploration or maybe you know what to do.

And if you happen to run into Dubya, show him how to do some of these Shampoo Methods, will you?

Love, Ann

“Perhaps it will be helpful to remember that no one can be angry at a fact.  It is always an interpretation that gives rise to negative emotions, regardless of their seeming justification by what appears as facts.”

– A Course in Miracles, M-17.4:1

Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.

– Marcus Aurelius