Yes, But I’m Different . . .

Two sentences out of my email last night to a friend:

I THOUGHT I WAS DIFFERENT.  OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

I’m not even bothering to censor that. I typed it as you see it – all caps and everything.

Since April, I have been experiencing a cascade of revelations, an internal psychological Flood of Biblical proportions.

Christian analogies aside, I thought I was living in a world, a body, a mind that was a certain way, did certain things, did not do certain other things, and was, on the whole, rather unique and different from all other worlds, bodies and minds – not only different from those I know, but different from all that ever lived or ever will live.

WRONG.

Let me say that again:  WRONG.

Now let me get personal: I WAS SO WRONG.

It started when I did that piece of The Work on “work” with Steven that I blogged about. That somehow reminded me of a sentence stem we often use for The Work:  “I’m a person who . . . (fill in the blank)” I started questioning all the “I’m a person who . . . ” sentences I noticed. 

You know the ones: 

I’m a person who makes X amount of money, does X type of work, likes coffee-flavored ice cream, and hates green peppers. Yeah, any and all of them. They are all fodder for self-revelation. Try it. You’ll like it. At least, the results of the inquiry are likely to be quite freeing. And isn’t that what we were after?

I realized that if life is a school, I was (from some perspectives) flunking some basic courses (you know – money, relationships, career – little things.) If life is a game, I was losing. If life is a play, I had a tragedy. And that NONE of that was necessary.

In fact, I have had the answers to the tests; the rulebook & the moves; the script and the score, for over 20 years now. It is no secret. (It’s not even “the” Secret.)

But I was different.  Those didn’t apply to me. 

You may be thinking the same thing about what I just wrote. I can’t stop you. But read on. Ask some questions. See what you find.

Why is it that we still have things we call “problems” or “issues” or “patterns” or . . . anything we go to therapists and self-help books and ministers and religious texts and weekend – even week-long and longer – seminars to try to “fix?”

Why?

Why, when people give us answers, even answers they say worked for them, do we not “solve” the “problem” and get on with laying in hammocks and smelling roses and enjoying the Darjeeling?

Okay, I’ll admit there is more than one correct answer to the question. In fact, it will probably take at least 3 answers to get a fuller picture. I’ll tell you what they are:

1.  The people we paid for “answers” were wrong about what actually worked.

2.  “Problems” are a feature not a bug.

3.  We . . . I don’t know how to tell you this . . . we, each of us, is no different from anyone else – at least not in any way that would prevent us from “solving” “problems.”

I know. It’s a hard pill to swallow. It makes no sense at first.

There’s just one tiny little – majorly important – fact – about this:  it’s true.

So, let’s look at the first answer: the people we paid for answers are also . . . wrong.

Because memory is reconstructed from fragments, not saved en toto like a video, but with many additions, deletions and distortions – nothing is as we recall it – not even the well-intentioned interpretations of those who want to teach us how to “solve” a “problem.”

Daniel Gilbert’s book, Stumbling on Happiness, contains explanations and more, with pages and pages of footnotes documenting the research. I just finished reading it, and none too soon! Get one.  There are 130 used copies on Amazon starting at $4.50. With shipping, it costs less than a lot of us will spend on lunch today (another topic I’ve been questioning – my “latte factor” see David Bach’s book Smart Couples Finish Rich, but I digress.)

The point is – because of the way our minds work when looking at the past to see what “worked,” we will invariably misunderstand and reconstruct it in some way it ain’t never been. Then, because we may have had some success since then, and because we have a charismatic personality (or a good agent) we get to sell books & seminars and go on Oprah to tell everyone what we mis-remember that didn’t actually work.

When it doesn’t work for everyone, we tell them they didn’t hold their mouths right – that ain’t it.

According to the research in Gilbert’s book, the only time we can get reliable data from someone about what is making them happy is in the middle of the experience. He says that we can, and should, use this as a guide for our choices, but only if we want to have the most reliable answers possible. Otherwise, we can continue to count on mis-remembered and mis-reported and misunderstood memories from those who are trying to sell us something.

The second correct answer is a variation on the “That’s not a bug; it’s a feature” wisdom from computer geekdom.

Problems:  Bug or feature?

Well, we all have them. They are built-in. We have them regularly. They don’t stop. Even those who have achieved what we think we want have had them – in abundance!

So.  Bug or feature? 

Feature.

Definitely.

Get used to it.

If these ideas intrigue you at all, if you’ve ever spent a dime to solve some personal issue – then spend these dimes to see what Gilbert says would actually work. And there is always the libarary. 

I’ll bet you still won’t do it. Why? 

Well, let me tell you:

This is the kicker, yet another truth that set me free, another answer I didn’t want to hear, another perspective that might have saved me 3 decades of ignorance, that I was finally suddenly able to accept after Gilbert’s book and Sashen’s classes and the Conspiracy of the Universe led me, as they say, “kicking and screaming into my bliss”

I AM NO DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE

– not in any way that matters when I want to know how to be happy.

I breathe air.

I eat food.

I walk on 2 legs, have one head, 2 arms, 10 toes, 10 fingers, keep going . . .

I laugh. I cry. I shit. I die.

I want what everyone else wants, and I get it the same way anyone else would.

Considering the landscape of human experience, and I mean the WHOLE landscape, the basics of being human, the things I have held tightly to, the things that kept me so blind, are the tiniest fraction of my entire reality as a human being.

Mostly, I am just like you.

And as I wrote to the Right Reverend Doctor Mr. Sashen last night (really, someone should give this man an honorary doctorate – in life):

I am humbled & amazed.

I’m so in love with the whole thing that I can hardly contain myself.

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes again.

Love, Ann

PS – I was looking for a closing quote and I found a great review of Gilbert’s book with an interview:

                   http://www.powells.com/authors/danielgilbert.html

Oh, and here’s a quote, from Daniel Gilbert in the above link:

“I can guarantee you that half the things in Stumbling on Happiness will turn out to be false. The beauty of science is that we just keep stumbling along, slowly accumulating facts that we can rely on. I’m talking about a lot of very new research. A lot of it is mine. There may be fifteen or twenty scientists working on related problems, and I’ve talked about their work, but until we have decades of research on this, with hundreds if not thousands of scientists working on the same problem, we won’t know which parts are right and which are wrong.”

                                                          – Daniel Gilbert

 

Every Time I Turn Around, Something Goes . . .

Right!

This is Me-Who-Does-Not-Write-at-Night doing it yet again!  That’s all Nat’lie’s fault! I swear that woman could get words out of a turnip. Speaking of words, did you know she said she doesn’t use the word, “spiritual?”  Interesting, isn’t it?

Well, the writing at night is partly to Nat’lie’s credit, but the lion’s share of the thanks for how I notice that Every Time I Turn Around Something Goes Right goes to the Anti-Guru, Steven Sashen, www.sashen.com/blog, for teaching me some really stupid obvious questions and thought-experiments and IAM Meditations, and stuff I call “The Shampoo Method – Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”

A lot of things have been changing for me this past month. I don’t remember ever being quite this clear or asking myself quite this many questions in quite the same way.

I’m asking questions about things I thought I’d never.

So far, I have questioned the following and found big whopping lies:

• Feng Shui
• Astrology
• Something can be “meant to be.”
• I/we/people are here to “grow” or “learn.”
• I/we/people should have a “purpose.”
• I/we/people can “do it wrong.”
• I/we/people have “blocks” we need to “overcome.”
• Anything Eckhart Tolle wrote.
• In fact, most spiritual books I ever read are full of lies just like the ones above.
• Even . . .  drum roll here . . . A Course in Miracles

Now, the books all brush past the truth in one way or another, but in order to sell, they seem to all include so many ideas that just don’t hold water.

In a slightly more personal vein, I’ve discovered that, contrary to prior (sometimes very loud and insistent) advertisment to the contrary . . . I am someone who . . .

• Writes at night.
• Has money in the bank.
• Knows how to “make” money.
• Can create a business.
• Can market herself and her services.
• Can wisely choose when to spend and when not to spend.
• Doesn’t need a “support group” or a “teacher” to know what to do.
• Doesn’t need to “talk before I know what I’m thinking.”
• CAN think in spatial terms and doesn’t always have to convert pictures to words. (That was a huge . . . something . . . I started to say “shock,” then I tried to say “surprise,” then I realized that it had been obvious all along and I’d been totally missing the obvious.)

In fact, let me take that out of parenthesis.

IT HAS ALL BEEN VERY, VERY OBVIOUS!!!

In addition, I . . .

• Moved out of a home I wasn’t comfortable in.
• Moved into a home I am far more comfortable in.
• Sold a car that was difficult and uncomfortable.
• Am in the process of buying a car that is easy and comfortable.
• Not in a relationship right now, which is far better than being in one I don’t want!

Now please don’t imagine there was anything “wrong” with my prior home, car or relationships. Paradoxically, there’s not. I loved that old 83 Toyota Corolla – green astroturf dashboard and all!  I loved the old roommate, the house, the cats, the times I had there. And I most certainly have loved all my relationships prior to now.

I cannot explain what this feels like. It’s a You’d Have to Have Been There. But that’s why I’m writing this. Piggy back on my experience, get a taste of this reality, try the Shampoo Methods. Read the Page on “Shampoo Method Instructions.”

Some of you reading this, whether you know me or not, are thinking, “Yeah, so?”

Well, that’s true. At the same time, it has changed everything.

I’ve been RePairing Opposites left and right. Err . . .   😉 (If you don’t know why that is hilarious, read the technique in any of the blogs or over in the sidebar under “Shampoo Method Instructions.”

Seriously. For example, I RePaired “going after things” vs. “things coming to me.” And now, nearly every time I think “I can’t  . . . blah blah blah” I have to check the other side of it, “I can. . . . blah blah blah.”

I’ve noticed that the following Turn Arounds are TRUER than my original lies (which I leave to the reader’s astute guesses):

• I’m a person who can start a business.
• I don’t get paid any more for being stressed while I’m working.
• I can do math in my head.
• I can tell what to spend my money on (This doesn’t mean that it always has a predictable outcome. It just means I can make a choice in places I was very, very unconscious.)
• Astrology disconnects me from my intuition.
• I don’t know how much money I’ll make this year, starting today. . . it hasn’t happened yet!

As far as money (and a lot of things) goes, I noticed that it really is a game!  God, how many years have I been reading this and thinking I understood?  That is not the same as understanding! For me, it’s like I haven’t been making straight A’s in something when all I have to do is go to do the homework. It’s not hard!  It’s easy!

I feel like I’m Teflon to lies and misperceptions, and I’m kinda blissed out on it.

Try it. You’ll like it. Or maybe not.  🙂

Love, Ann

“Success is a side-effect of clarity.”

                     – Steven Sashen, The Anti-Guru, www.sashen.com/blog

PS – Check this one out:  http://sashen.com/blog/44/we-are-in-the-matrix/  or any of the others!

 

 

Every Time I Turn Around, Something Goes . . .

Right!

This is Me-Who-Does-Not-Write-at-Night doing it yet again!  That’s all Nat’lie’s fault! I swear that woman could get words out of a turnip. Speaking of words, did you know she said she doesn’t use the word, “spiritual?”  Interesting, isn’t it?

Well, the writing at night is partly to Nat’lie’s credit, but the lion’s share of the thanks for how I notice that Every Time I Turn Around Something Goes Right goes to the Anti-Guru friend of mine, for teaching me some really stupid obvious questions and thought-experiments and IAM Meditations, and stuff I call “The Shampoo Method – Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”

A lot of things have been changing for me this past month. I don’t remember ever being quite this clear or asking myself quite this many questions in quite the same way.

I’m asking questions about things I thought I’d never.

So far, I have questioned the following and found big whopping lies:

• Feng Shui
• Astrology
• Something can be “meant to be.”
• I/we/people are here to “grow” or “learn.”
• I/we/people should have a “purpose.”
• I/we/people can “do it wrong.”
• I/we/people have “blocks” we need to “overcome.”
• Anything Eckhart Tolle wrote.
• In fact, most spiritual books I ever read are full of lies just like the ones above.
• Even . . .  drum roll here . . . A Course in Miracles

Now, the books all brush past the truth in one way or another, but in order to sell, they seem to all include so many ideas that just don’t hold water.

In a slightly more personal vein, I’ve discovered that, contrary to prior (sometimes very loud and insistent) advertisment to the contrary . . . I am someone who . . .

• Writes at night.
• Has money in the bank.
• Knows how to “make” money.
• Can create a business.
• Can market herself and her services.
• Can wisely choose when to spend and when not to spend.
• Doesn’t need a “support group” or a “teacher” to know what to do.
• Doesn’t need to “talk before I know what I’m thinking.”
• CAN think in spatial terms and doesn’t always have to convert pictures to words. (That was a huge . . . something . . . I started to say “shock,” then I tried to say “surprise,” then I realized that it had been obvious all along and I’d been totally missing the obvious.)

In fact, let me take that out of parenthesis.

IT HAS ALL BEEN VERY, VERY OBVIOUS!!!

In addition, I . . .

• Moved out of a home I wasn’t comfortable in.
• Moved into a home I am far more comfortable in.
• Sold a car that was difficult and uncomfortable.
• Am in the process of buying a car that is easy and comfortable.
• Not in a relationship right now, which is far better than being in one I don’t want!

Now please don’t imagine there was anything “wrong” with my prior home, car or relationships. Paradoxically, there’s not. I loved that old 83 Toyota Corolla – green astroturf dashboard and all!  I loved the old roommate, the house, the cats, the times I had there. And I most certainly have loved all my relationships prior to now.

I cannot explain what this feels like. It’s a You’d Have to Have Been There. But that’s why I’m writing this. Piggy back on my experience, get a taste of this reality, try the Shampoo Methods. Read the Page on “Shampoo Method Instructions.”

Some of you reading this, whether you know me or not, are thinking, “Yeah, so?”

Well, that’s true. At the same time, it has changed everything.

I’ve been RePairing Opposites left and right. Err . . .   😉 (If you don’t know why that is hilarious, read the technique in any of the blogs or over in the sidebar under “Shampoo Method Instructions.”

Seriously. For example, I RePaired “going after things” vs. “things coming to me.” And now, nearly every time I think “I can’t  . . . blah blah blah” I have to check the other side of it, “I can. . . . blah blah blah.”

I’ve noticed that the following Turn Arounds are TRUER than my original lies (which I leave to the reader’s astute guesses):

• I’m a person who can start a business.
• I don’t get paid any more for being stressed while I’m working.
• I can do math in my head.
• I can tell what to spend my money on (This doesn’t mean that it always has a predictable outcome. It just means I can make a choice in places I was very, very unconscious.)
• Astrology disconnects me from my intuition.
• I don’t know how much money I’ll make this year, starting today. . . it hasn’t happened yet!

As far as money (and a lot of things) goes, I noticed that it really is a game!  God, how many years have I been reading this and thinking I understood?  That is not the same as understanding! For me, it’s like I haven’t been making straight A’s in something when all I have to do is go to do the homework. It’s not hard!  It’s easy!

I feel like I’m Teflon to lies and misperceptions, and I’m kinda blissed out on it.

Try it. You’ll like it. Or maybe not.  🙂

Love, Ann

“Success is a side-effect of clarity.”

– Steven Sashen

PS – I wrote this 8 years ago. No idea why it wasn’t published then.