Age, Sex, Location – if you don’t know.
I cannot tell you how often I get a reply on Craig’s List or Match.com or oOKCupid.com or some other dating site reply that says, “I’m X number of years old, but age is just a number,” from men 20 years younger than I am or “I’m X number of years old, but I don’t look it,” from people who look like my grandfather.
I’ll admit that I’m in the middle-aged range. I’m in my mid-40’s.
I also know there is a thing called the “cohort effect” in psychology that is also something we find in dating. In psychological studies, you would not run a study on people who were teenagers in the 60’s and people who were teenagers in the 90’s and expect them to have the same values about sex. One was “free love” time and one was “post AIDS.” They are different groups with different ideas simply because they were born earlier or later and participated in a different decade of events.
Nothing wrong with either of them. They’re just different.
I get letters from guys who are 28 or 29 telling me how they love older women, we know what we want, we don’t play games, etc. Sure, it might be fun to romp with one of these kids, but they could literally be my kid! So, I don’t.
I send them a reply that goes something like this:
“I understand your point of view. I was way beyond my years, as well. At the same time, have you noticed how you don’t even speak English the same way as someone my age? I find it offensive when someone says “whazzup?” You think you’re just saying “hello.”
We don’t know the same music, the same TV shows, the same movies, and while I realize those things are shallow in one sense, we take them for granted and don’t notice the deeper bonds they contribute to unless we get with someone 20 years away from us.
In a sense, you are totally correct, age doesn’t matter. At the same time, no one I know of who is over 40 says age doesn’t matter. It’s really the younger portion of people who think that because they haven’t been where we are. I’d love to hear what you think about this in 20 years.
But the most important thing I notice here is that you didn’t say a thing about the erotic, intuitive, spiritual connection that is the only thing I requested in my ad. That’s okay, the older guys miss that, too.”
Usually, sorting by Sex and Location is a lot simpler.
I’m a woman looking for a man. Simple, right?
Oh, I’ve dated a few transgendered men, and I’ve definitely loved women, but right now, I’m simply a woman looking for a man.
Location?
If you’re more than 50 miles away you are an LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and I’m not interested. You need to be close enough to count, ok?
So, let’s make these dating site emails count. Read what is requested and respond specifically. There may be a lot of variations and details that we’ll figure out as we get to know each other, but c’mon, how hard can ASL be?
Love, Ann
Ann's Tale 