Last week, my mother said a couple of things that made no sense to me, and we have had some interesting discussion that I’d like to share. She was saying the kinds of things that all mothers, all people tend to say in certain situations. But I couldn’t find them. None of it rang true to me.
I made the comment that my friend, Paul, “really cares about me,” to which Mother replied, “That makes it easy for you to abuse him.”
*sigh*
It was as if she hadn’t read a word I’ve written here. I know that at some level she hears me, but sometimes it just doesn’t show up.
I recounted this to Paul and he was laughing before I even finished the sentence, “Oh, I am so abused!” He was joking about it, but he knows that no one can ever abuse him but him. Only believing his thoughts can do that.
Mother suggested that we change the subject, saying she thinks we agree, but that it was “semantics.” It’s not, but okay.
I said I was interested to practice the idea that it’s really my stories about Pablo’s appearance that bother me, not his actual appearance. Sure, there’s a level on which it is appearance and we see one thing and find it attractive and another and find it replusive. Still, we do have an innate and often unused ability to find beauty no matter where we look. I’ve done a lot of Re-Pairing the Universe. (See Shampoo Methods on the right.) It is this awareness I was wondering about.
Mother said to me, “Our culture is so loaded with those stories…they come at us from every direction.” (Stories about how people should look, and what is attractive.)
I said that made us sound like victims. I couldn’t agree with that. This led to discussing how I find most thoughts and statements that begin with “they” or “society” or “our culture,” to be pretty much a waste of my time.
This is a very clear, “Whose business am I in when I think that thought?” question.
Not mine, obviously. I am clearly in “their” business.
Thinking thoughts beginning with “they,” society,” and “our culture,” gives me an feeling of helplessness. Well, I am totally helpless about that. It’s not my business!. I’m always helpless when I’m out of my business. Not only helpless, but hopeless. I can’t do anything about “them.” Even what I think isn’t my business.
I find it pretty boring and useless to be talking about “them,” and I’m beginning to feel that way about what I’m thinking. It’s like watching clouds go by. Let them go. It’s a lot more fun and a lot less stressful.
This morning, I found a new email from Mother, that reads:
“Further attempt at explanation:
We view things not just internally but in context. Something that might ellicit one feeling in one context might elicit something entirely different in another context. (We all have examples of that.) My comments about “society” or any such are simply statements about context. Context does not control the inner, nor should it, but it is a part of the big picture.”
My first response was: Mother, I have no idea what this means.
Then I thought about it. Totally in her business at this point, and trying to respond to her email, I wrote:
Truth to tell it sounds like a lot of explanation and justification.
It reminds me of an insight I had a few weeks ago. Someone had tried to use the “shades of grey” excuse for some view they had. I know it’s wrong, and I couldn’t figure out how to explain it.
I finally got it.
The simplicity of it amazed me. I have been wrestling with this argument from others for years, decades, really, starting with my Mother.
The “shades of grey” defense is nothing more than another way to further divide the “is.” It’s actually more convoluted than the black/white, which is not true either. Truth is a “both” that is beyond any idea of black or white. There is this “whole” place that encompasses all of that.
Things are really much simpler, much truer, and much more peaceful when I stay in my own business and remember to ask, “Who would I be without that story?”
Questioning takes me out of victim/perpetrator, helpless/powerful, black/white, and even out of those mysterious “shades of grey,” into something beyond all of those. That is where I find clarity. It’s quite blissful.
If you want to try it, look at the Shampoo Methods page, linked on the right there. I especially suggest “Re-Pairing the Universe,” Steven Sashen’s IAM Meditation.
What was really cool for me is that Paul got it. It was good to connect with him on this and other things.
Love, Ann
If you are interested in all of the IAM (Instant Advanced) Meditations (there are over a dozen of them) you can sample two more of them here for free:
Ann's Tale 
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