The Work of Byron Katie on “I am a victim of incest.”

I am a victim of incest – is it true?

NOTE: Please read the previous post dated 7/18 “The Work of Byron Katie on Incest” before reading this one. It may make more sense to you, if you do. Or not, of course.

Thought: I am a victim of incest.

Instructions: Feel the answers. Let the answer arise. (per detailed instructions in previous post.)

Question #1 – Is it true?

No. I feel a tight contraction in my solar plexus, telling me this is not true.

Question #2 – Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Still no. Same contraction.

Question #3 – How do you react when you believe this thought? (Make a list.)

I act like a victim. I act like I cannot take care of myself. I blame others, particularly my father and his friend, Ray. I carry a lot of tightness in my shoulders. I feel helpless. I want others to do things for me. I feel like my father, even the world “owe” me something. I cry a lot. I have trouble moving, walking, doing physical things. Sometimes I gain weight. I am afraid. I generalize my blame to all men. I am closed to others, shut down, in many ways. I show a false face. I am not myself, but a tight cariacature of myself. I hold myself back from things I like and things I would like to do, be and have.

Subquestion: Does that thought bring you peace or stress?

Answer: Stress. Unquestionably, stress.

Subquestion: Can you find a peaceful reason to keep that thought, and I am not asking you to drop it? If so, check. Is that reason truly peaceful?

Answer: No, I can’t find anything peaceful in the thought “I am a victim of incest.”

Question #4 – Who would you be without that thought or that story, “I am a victim of incest?”

Reminder: Feel the answer. Let the answer arise. Just wait and be with the question.

Answer: I would be peaceful. I would be stronger. I would be doing, being and having things I’ve always wanted to do, be and have. I would treat myself better. I would be more relaxed around men. I would be more relaxed and more powerful around my father and other men. I would be much happier, much happier. I would have peace. I would move more spontaneously in the world, and through my life. I would hear and act on Spirit’s guidance more clearly.

Turn it around. (Simply find an opposite of the original thought. Turn arounds may be to self, other or an opposite word or quality.)

Turn Around #1: I am not the victim of incest.

Question: Is that thought as true or truer than the original thought?

Answer: Well, anything is as true or truer than an untrue thought, and in Questions 1 & 2, what came up in my bodily knowing was that the original thought was untrue. No incest is happening at this moment. So, in this moment, I am not a victim of incest. In fact, if I think of it that way, I have not been a victim of incest, couldn’t have been, except in my own mind, for 30 years. It all stopped in 1975.

Turn Around #2 – I am a survivor of incest.

Question: Is that thought as true or truer than the original thought?

Answer: Well, as the original thought was untrue, yes. But otherwise, there is just as much stress and lying in this thought as there is in the original thought. I can write out the whole worksheet on that, and I decided to cut to the chase and include it here. I will likely write it out next, as my reactions to being a “survivor” are a bit different.

Turn Around #3 – I have incest in my history.

Question: Is that thought at least as true or truer?

Answer: Again, it is at least as true.

I read science fiction and practice meditation, so if I really look at it through those eyes, how do I really know what happened in the past?

 I don’t. Not ultimately. Maybe I don’t have incest in my history. (Now, please, if you’re struggling to deal with newfound memories, don’t worry about this one. Your Mileage May Vary, at least for a “while.”)

Turn Around #4 – My thinking is a victim of incest.

Question: Is that thought as true or truer than the original thought?

 Answer: I laugh when I do the “my thinking” turn arounds. It is so freeing to realize that my thinking is what seems to be a “victim” of something called incest. That is so much truer to me.

Question for Advanced Study: How long did the incest last?

Answer: About 5 years give or take.

Question for Advanced Study: And how long have you been victimizing yourself with this thought “I am a victim of incest?”

Answer: That went on for about, oh, let’s say 25 years or so.

Good to notice the truth. People ask Katie if she is enlightened, and she is known to reply, “I am just someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn’t.”

If it hurts, you are lying.

Inquire. Turn around. Find the truth.

There’s a temptation to repeat that famous saying by some guy from Nazareth who told us 2000 years ago what the effects of truth would be.

You know what he said. I don’t need to tell you. 

He knew what He was saying, and so did every Teacher before and after him who examined their thoughts, whether it was under a bodhi tree or on a park bench or on the floor of a halfway house for eating disorders.

I bow to the floor, kneel in praise, of those who discovered Truth before me and were kind enough to talk and write about it. Jesus, Siddhartha, Katie, Eckhardt, Steven, Saniel, CC, Topaz, Phil, Leonard, Donald, Lance, Kelly, Karen, Jeff, Lauren (both), Mallory, Laura, Mother, Visham, and so many, many others, that I can hardly make a comprehensive list. It’s impossible. Some of their names I never knew or cannot recall. Just know that I bow in deep gratitude for showing me the Way, the Truth, the Life.

Amen, Namaste, Blessed Be, Jai Guru Dev!

Ann