Good morning,
Long time no see, as they say.
I texted my lover this morning that I finally knew at least the name of the game whose rules I do not know.
Ah, let me back up a bit. Something I said to her in July after the Folks Fest was that I find myself playing a game whose rules I do not understand and probably would not even agree with if I knew them. It was one of those rare moments when she said, “That landed.”
The name of the game is “Jillian’s Feelings.” Jillian being my girlfriend.
Delving a bit further into the metaphor, I found that the main rule that few, if any of us, understand is that the game of “Another Person’s Feelings” is inevitably a game of Solitaire. When either or both players forget this, everybody loses. There is no win if we do not recognize the basic structure of the game.
She countered that another person may make suggestions, such as “put the red seven on the black eight.” I admit that is true. But if the other person insists that this is how someone else’s Solitaire is played or if the person playing reacts to having been given a suggestion instead of either trying it or rejecting it based on their personal knowledge of their own personal game of Solitaire, then once again, everybody loses.
Oh, and by the way? Whilst I am trying to play “Jillian’s Feelings,” who is playing “Ann’s Feelings?
Answer: nobody. Another losing game.
“Jillian’s Feelings” is based on Jillian’s Process (see Compatibility Factors under Pages), which is Think-Act-Feel. My process is Think-Feel-Act. Funny how three little facets of life can dictate so much about a person, about what they do, how they feel, when and whether they do any of these thinking, feeling or acting things!
For example, Jillian apparently cannot form words while in the midst of deep or scary or new feelings. Whereas I cannot form words while in the midst of deep or scary or new actions – or painful ones, like walking at what others call a normal pace. I have symptoms of fibromyalgia, as mentioned in previous blogs.
Forgetting this for either of us leads to upsets:
What do you mean you can’t answer the question?
Why can’t you tell me?
I wish you could walk and talk with me.
I am listening while I move and work. Why can’t you keep talking to me?
No one can play “Someone Else’s Feelings.” It never happens. Ever. However, the player of “My Feelings” can mistakenly think someone else is controlling their game. This is a lie – always.
I am quite careful about the words, “always” and “never.” I mean to say this exactly that way.
Further, I would go as far as questioning whether I am actually playing “My Feelings.” Could it be that feelings, like thoughts, just arise? Check.
Love,
Ann
“If it hurts, you are lying.” Byron Katie
