Everything I Think I Know Could Be Wrong

… or am I just a sucker for a pretty face?

No telling. But when I meet a man who can meet me with his strong unwavering presence, who is willing to question everything he knows and let me be there for it, I have to wonder, “What else am I believing that might be wrong?”

I have met a man who is making me question one of the oldest seeming oxymorons in the book: ”military intelligence.” Actually, this awareness hit me from the backside:  he was telling me on the phone the other night, with profuse apologies for sounding sexist (doesn’t bother *me*) that I was “as honest as a man.” He went on to compliment my intelligence, wondering about my IQ. If I knew what it was, I would have told him, but I don’t.

It wasn’t until later, thinking about him, that I realized that while, perhaps the bureaucracy of any military body, en toto, may not be particularly intelligent, this man is. Not only intelligent, but sensitive to others. He pointed out that he had to be. He’s used to being aware of other human beings under his command in combat situations.

One night in the library parking lot, he told me how he is constantly aware of how many living bodies are in his vicinity – it did give me a little pause to realize why he would only count “living” bodies.

I was at an IAM Meditation group, and started tearing up over a thought I had just had. He saw me from across the room and checked in with me with his eyes – before there were actually any tears to be seen. Wow. Later I explained that the thought was simply that I had nearly moved out of this area a couple of years ago, and I was grateful that I am still living here to be part of all that is here.

Hoo boy. I can feel my  hormones kicking in. Funny, because right now, this man is really just a friend.

Love,  Ann

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man always over me. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, to cling to all that I am capable of doing but I am eager to be pursued, and possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” 

Anais Nin

“Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day”

Almost nothing can crowd my usual Gayatri Mantra by Deva Premal and then by Shimshai, out of my morning ritual. (This post has musical links so you can get the feel of the difference between this and JT.)

Anyway, I woke up with Jethro Tull running through my brain – gee why?  Could it be because last night I finally downloaded the rest of his catalog (even the one or two I don’t like as much – “A,” for example.)

So, there I was at 6 am, not putting on my Morning Music set on iTunes, but racing loud rock & roll through the brain like coffee. Works without side effects, I might add.

Usually it’s Chelsea Morning, Morning Has Broken, Sunny Day, Oh Great Wave, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, et al.) but instead I’m queueing up “Sossity, You’re a Woman,” which alphabetically by album is followed by none other than “Broadsword and the Beast.”

Here are some of my usual Morning Music tunes:

Deva Premal & Miten, Gayatri Mantra

Live:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d63COahIpVM

Studio:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=espTd2S-V8I  with lyrics

Shim Shai (I can’t find his Gayatri Mantra on YouTube, but I found others:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79vDfDu8NC4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdSQxEDAXaM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TtQR8PNt40&feature=related

Then I play Om Namo Narayana by Miten & Premal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ajAuBApxBk

err. . . 3 times . . . yes, the whole thing. Some days I put it on repeat for hours.

Then, Chelsea Morning by Joni Mitchell – wow, art. I suspect that all of it is Joni’s own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRjwjbB-xUI

Then, Cat Stevens . . . cheesy video, but I’d rather listen to this than try to parse a live version.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ESHjYat9rk

But you can . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TWd3skb-Rw

and here is one of Scott Medina’s chants, but what I play is quite different (“Oh Great Wave” is in my Morning Music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjeeuzVPyoE

Oh what the heck, I don’t play Dave Stringer’s Devakinanda in the morning, but both the minor and major versions are here on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjeeuzVPyoE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiuJpiDkqaM&feature=related

I’ve seen Dave Stringer live – TOTALLY awesome, as kirtan almost always is for me.

*whew* I can’t really get to the rest of them after that.  Maybe another time, I’ll find “Sunny Day’ by Paul Simon and oh gosh, with Devakinanda ringing in my ears!

Let’s see if I can get back to Jethro Tull.  Okay.  This should do it . . .

Skating Away On The Thin Ice Of The New Day

Meanwhile back in the year One — when you belonged to no-one —
you didn’t stand a chance son, if your pants were undone.
`Cause you were bred for humanity and sold to society —
one day you’ll wake up in the Present Day —
a million generations removed from expectations
of being who you really want to be.

Skating away —
skating away —
skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

So as you push off from the shore,
won’t you turn your head once more — and make your peace with everyone?
For those who choose to stay,
will live just one more day —
to do the things they should have done.
And as you cross the wilderness, spinning in your emptiness:
you feel you have to pray.
Looking for a sign
that the Universal Mind (!) has written you into the Passion Play.

Skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

And as you cross the circle line, the ice-wall creaks behind —
you’re a rabbit on the run.
And the silver splinters fly in the corner of your eye —
shining in the setting sun.
Well, do you ever get the feeling that the story’s
too damn real and in the present tense?
Or that everybody’s on the stage, and it seems like
you’re the only person sitting in the audience?

Skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

Yes, that’s better. Focus.

Yes, I often get the feeling that I am one of the few sitting in the audience. Just a little perspective is all it takes.  Ian calls it “the thin ice of a new day,” which doesn’t seem to jive with sitting in the audience. There is no thin ice. Nothing to fear.

We return you to your regularly scheduled YouTube music viewing, with John Lennon, “Watching the Wheels:”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSBYfc46rhk

Love, Ann

“You move totally away from reality when you believe there is a legitimate reason to suffer.”
 
                   Byron Katie
                   “Loving What Is” page 288

“To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand.”
 
                   A Course in Miracles
                   Text, Chapter 16, 1st sentence
                   Page 330

(http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391)

Written October 28, 2008 . . . no idea why I didn’t click Publish.