No Drama?

I just want to make an observation.

When we release drama and start living peacefully in our minds, it can sometimes appear that we are “impersonal” or “uncaring” or “unemotional” or “distant.”

This is far from the truth.

Do you really want the kind of friendship that is based on who did what to whom and all that “ain’t it awful” crap?  I don’t.

I don’t want a life that is full of drama, soap operas and country western song situations. Sometimes it seems that we have friendships solely to get others to agree with us. Why do we do this to ourselves? I don’t know.  

Can you imagine a life, a world, in which we don’t stress and moan and complain and blame?

What would your love life be like if you just asked what is true, handled your part in it, and moved on quietly to whatever is next?

What would your business be like if you did that in your work?

What would politics be like without all the drama and trauma and blame?

Can you imagine?  John Lennon could.

When I am not drawn in to a story, a lie or a soap opera, it isn’t because I don’t care.

It is because I do.

Deeply.

Love, Ann

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

Imagine

     by John Lennon

Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

I Regret That I Will Be Unable to Attend the Hurricane

I really do.

I did get to talk with two men who were right in the big middle of it, though – oh how I envy that!  At 2 pm yesterday, Paul thought he would drive up to see his mother & father and wait out Hurricane Ike there. (Is this a political hurricane???)  Then he changed his mind and decided to stay put.

PHOOEY! 

Whining:  I wanted to see the hurricane!

Well, instead, Paul did and he did hold the phone out so I could hear the wind. That was pretty good, but not nearly the same thing! That is one thing I miss about living further South – the thunder and lightening. Oh, we get some, but not like they do! And certainly no hurricanes ever come this far inland.

Then I was wondering who else I knew who might be in the hurricane. My uncle and cousins moved away years ago. But there was one person:  Ron. First I sent a text message, something like “I hope you evacuated and are safe?”  Ron lives about 20 miles from the coast. He sent back, “I am sitting on my front porch.” I sent, “Safe?” And got “Too early to tell.” Shit.

We switched to voice mode.

It was great to talk with him. He planned to take a nap, get up at 1 am and enjoy the most intense part of the event, then take a walk in the eye of the storm around 5 am.

Ahhhh. Good plan! I totally wish I could have done that.

But would I move to some coastal home for the chance? No way on God’s Green Earth.

So, I regret that I was unable to attend the hurricane, but the flip side is that Paul is getting sick and tired of having to board up and do without electricity and water once a year or so.

Hmm . . .

Love, Ann

h

Cowgirl is Twitterpated!

Yes, again.

Yes, Paul.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!

It’s all yes!

The rest is either drama, which can go,
or details that we can handle together.

Love, Ann

“This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.”

            – Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Early one mornin’ the sun was shinin’,
I was layin’ in bed
Wond’rin’ if she’d changed at all
If her hair was still red.
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama’s homemade dress
Papa’s bankbook wasn’t big enough.
And I was standin’ on the side of the road
Rain fallin’ on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I’ve paid some dues gettin’ through,
Tangled up in blue.

She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess,
But I used a little too much force.
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out West
Split up on a dark sad night
Both agreeing it was best.
She turned around to look at me
As I was walkin’ away
I heard her say over my shoulder,
“We’ll meet again someday on the avenue,”
Tangled up in blue.

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell.
So I drifted down to New Orleans
Where I happened to be employed
Workin’ for a while on a fishin’ boat
Right outside of Delacroix.
But all the while I was alone
The past was close behind,
I seen a lot of women
But she never escaped my mind, and I just grew
Tangled up in blue.

She was workin’ in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer,
I just kept lookin’ at the side of her face
In the spotlight so clear.
And later on as the crowd thinned out
I’s just about to do the same,
She was standing there in back of my chair
Said to me, “Don’t I know your name?”
I muttered somethin’ underneath my breath,
She studied the lines on my face.
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe,
Tangled up in blue.

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe
“I thought you’d never say hello,” she said
“You look like the silent type.”
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin’ coal
Pourin’ off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.

I lived with them on Montague Street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air.
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside.
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin’ on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.

So now I’m goin’ back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They’re an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter’s wives.
Don’t know how it all got started,
I don’t know what they’re doin’ with their lives.
But me, I’m still on the road
Headin’ for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue

Shades of Grey? Well, Yes . . . and No

Last week, my mother said a couple of things that made no sense to me, and we have had some interesting discussion that I’d like to share. She was saying the kinds of things that all mothers, all people tend to say in certain situations. But I couldn’t find them. None of it rang true to me.

I made the comment that my friend, Paul, “really cares about me,” to which Mother replied, “That makes it easy for you to abuse him.”

*sigh*

It was as if she hadn’t read a word I’ve written here. I know that at some level she hears me, but sometimes it just doesn’t show up. 

I recounted this to Paul and he was laughing before I even finished the sentence, “Oh, I am so abused!”  He was joking about it, but he knows that no one can ever abuse him but him. Only believing his thoughts can do that.

Mother suggested that we change the subject, saying she thinks we agree, but that it was “semantics.” It’s not, but okay.

I said I was interested to practice the idea that it’s really my stories about Pablo’s appearance that bother me, not his actual appearance. Sure, there’s a level on which it is appearance and we see one thing and find it attractive and another and find it replusive. Still, we do have an innate and often unused ability to find beauty no matter where we look. I’ve done a lot of Re-Pairing the Universe. (See Shampoo Methods on the right.) It is this awareness I was wondering about.

Mother said to me, “Our culture is so loaded with those stories…they come at us from every direction.” (Stories about how people should look, and what is attractive.)

I said that made us sound like victims. I couldn’t agree with that. This led to discussing how I find most thoughts and statements that begin with “they” or “society” or “our culture,” to be pretty much a waste of my time.

This is a very clear, “Whose business am I in when I think that thought?” question.

Not mine, obviously. I am clearly in “their” business.

Thinking thoughts beginning with “they,” society,” and “our culture,” gives me an feeling of helplessness. Well, I am totally helpless about that. It’s not my business!. I’m always helpless when I’m out of my business. Not only helpless, but hopeless. I can’t do anything about “them.” Even what I think isn’t my business.

I find it pretty boring and useless to be talking about “them,” and I’m beginning to feel that way about what I’m thinking. It’s like watching clouds go by. Let them go. It’s a lot more fun and a lot less stressful.

This morning, I found a new email from Mother, that reads:

“Further attempt at explanation:

We view things not just internally but in context. Something that might ellicit one feeling in one context might elicit something entirely different in another context. (We all have examples of that.) My comments about “society” or any such are simply statements about context. Context does not control the inner, nor should it, but it is a part of the big picture.”

My first response was: Mother, I have no idea what this means.

Then I thought about it. Totally in her business at this point, and trying to respond to her email, I wrote:

Truth to tell it sounds like a lot of explanation and justification.

It reminds me of an insight I had a few weeks ago. Someone had tried to use the “shades of grey” excuse for some view they had.  I know it’s wrong, and I couldn’t figure out how to explain it.

I finally got it. 

The simplicity of it amazed me. I have been wrestling with this argument from others for years, decades, really, starting with my Mother.

The “shades of grey” defense is nothing more  than another way to further divide the “is.”  It’s actually more convoluted than the black/white, which is not true either. Truth is a “both” that is beyond any idea of black or white. There is this “whole” place that encompasses all of that.

Things are really much simpler, much truer, and much more peaceful when I stay in my own business and remember to ask, “Who would I be without that story?”

Questioning takes me out of victim/perpetrator, helpless/powerful, black/white, and even out of those mysterious “shades of grey,” into something beyond all of those. That is where I find clarity. It’s quite blissful.

If you want to try it, look at the Shampoo Methods page, linked on the right there. I especially suggest “Re-Pairing the Universe,” Steven Sashen’s IAM Meditation.

What was really cool for me is that Paul got it.  It was good to connect with him on this and other things.

Love, Ann

If you are interested in all of the IAM (Instant Advanced) Meditations (there are over a dozen of them) you can sample two more of them here for free:

(http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391)

Cowgirl Interlude – Quote o’ the Day – Eric Francis of PlanetWaves.net

Today’s Quote o’ the Day is from Eric Francis (linked 3 ways on the right):

http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/

“Plenty of people say they want the truth. Usually they say so not recognizing the necessary confrontation that it takes to establish the truth, the duration of that confrontation or the personal cost involved. If we want the truth, we need to be ready to pay for it, and to hear it and to deal with it. “

                                                          – Eric Francis

This is from a man who has spent lots of time researching and writing about “Dioxin Dorms” in New Paltz, New York, a man who writes about alternative sexuality – self-oriented, believe it or not, you should see what this man does with mirrors, and a man who isn’t afraid to speak out about politics, especially lying, stealing and cheating. 

He’s a fellow A Course in Miracles student.  Eric has lived abroad, giving him more perspective than most of us will ever have.

I may not always agree with him, and I don’t ask that you do, but he is well worth reading and considering.

Love, Ann

On Being a Good Amoeba

Really.

The more I read on consciousness, decision-making, our thoughts about money, food, and happiness, our thoughts about thoughts, etc., the more I tend to see how we are still just amoebas.

How so?

We move toward pleasure and away from pain.

That’s pretty much all we do.

Oh, no. There is at least one more.

If we acclimate to the pain, get used to it, then we just stay in it, kind of oblivious.  Or maybe not. This, and a confusion about long term & short term can confuse us in the area of addictions, as well.

However, with Pain and Pleasure as opposite sides of a pendulum swing, anyone who has tried Re-Pairing the Universe, an IAM Meditation (see links on the right to that and Shampoo Methods)  I really like it when I find the Fulcrum, the StillPoint that is beyond the pendulum swing. It is the most blissful place. So clear. So glorious.  (Hi Gloria!)

I’d love to find a mate who can meet me there in that bliss.

So far, everyone seems to boomerang, unable to hold the Still Point with me.

That’s fine. I’m a good amoeba.

There are often other incompatibilibities, things that might make living together and planning a life together stressful rather than peaceful. Take Paul, for instance. He’s been doing a lot of The Work of Byron Katie, so much so that talking with him for hours the last few weeks, I was getting *very* turned on. He was, too, apparently. So we decided to spend Labor Day Weekend together.

The first night and day were pretty damned grand. Paul is delightful company and he’s fabulous in bed (but he doesn’t seem to know it.)

Then, somewhere, he lost his center. I lost my center.

I invited him back in, but he was busy boomeranging.  Well, that’s understandable. I’ve been doing this Re-Pairing, Investigating my Thoughts stuff for 7 years. He just got started. And before that, I was already meditating and learning about rising above these petty disturbances. I have a degree in it and thousands of hours of seminars, clients and practice.

Now, that doesn’t mean I always succeed. I certainly don’t.  Or, I do, depending on your definition of Success. We Re-Paired Success & Failure on Steven’s IAM call this afternoon.

(http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391)

Paul and I went out to one of those famous Arkansas hot springs and relaxed naked in the pool. At one point, Paul said, “Can I tell you something and have you keep it a secret?”  Or words to that effect. I think he wanted to talk about what was triggering him.

He didn’t tell me why or what, but wanted a guarantee on that in advance.  Well, I just didn’t feel moved to guarantee that. Anyone who wants to be with me needs to be aware that I write, I blog, I talk to my friends. If they don’t want me to know something, mostly, they just shouldn’t tell me. If that is going to prevent honest, clear communication in the relationship, well, that’s something we need to know.

It’s stressful to always be monitoring what I can and can’t say. I’m an amoeba. I move away from that.

Yeah, there is a significant chance that with a little explanation, I might have agreed.

On the other hand, if he was only doing some manipulative image management, trying to keep people from knowing things about him that, really, are far more obvious than he thinks they are (like a Higher Alignment-trained person can read much of this from his eyes, and any counselor-trained person from that and a little bit more -and I am both) . . . in any case, if he was trying to hide his flaws or pretend to be someone he’s not, well, he’s got the wrong girl anyway.

At that point, I decided that for my own peace of mind, I would only answer insecure questions once. 

“Is that okay with you?” “Yes.” 

“Are you sure?”  No answer.

I kept quiet on the second repetitions. Time to put that behavior on extinction. It’s just stressful. Nothing peaceful about it.  It either means that this is a person who lies about his preferences to others, and therefore, cannot believe what others say they prefer or someone who is very insecure and needs constant reassurance. Or both.

It was amoeba time.

I was sad to see him going that manner, but detached, as well. I don’t need a man who can’t hold his own space. I want a man who can lead. He has some of those qualities, but not in my areas of expertise – peace & stress, worldview, personality, thinking, truth & lies.

I’ve tried to imagine Paul without the drama, without the overeactions and fears. Would he be suitable?

In some ways, absolutely!  That’s how we got to having such a delightful weekend together in the first place. Our amoeba selves wanted more. We wanted to touch, and taste and talk.

In other ways, well, I tend to be an optimist. I can do with a lot of things that I didn’t think I could ever deal with. (Laura had a dog!) I can do without things I thought I really needed. (I find most of that in myself.) Maybe he lives in the 40’s and I live in the 60’s, but hey, so did Forest & Jenny. But maybe I’m just acclimated to men who don’t mesh we me, my lifestyle and my values? 

Sharing, the kind where I am truly comfortable and blissed out with my partner, will be the result of Spontaneous Right Action – not wanting or needing, which are both lies – and certainly not from maniuplating or forcing.

“You’ve been a great crowd. I’m here all week,” Paul says. 

Well, Beloved, so am I.  So am I. 

Love, Ann

“You move totally away from reality when you believe there is a legitimate reason to suffer.”
 
                   Byron Katie
                   “Loving What Is” page 288

“To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuseto understand.” 
 
                   A Course in Miracles
                   Text, Chapter 16, 1st sentence
                   Page 330

(http://www.advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?af=570391)