Dating or Polyamory
Back when I was seriously dating Wolf, and we were sorting through his relationship preference for polyamory and mine for monogamy, he asked me, “Why do you say you’re just poly when you’re dating? Aren’t polyamory and dating the same thing?”
Not to me.
Dating generally stops at least at third base, ie heavy petting, in high school terms. If I’m dating, I’ve made no committment beyond that date. When I’m dating, I’m still checking you out, not sure whether I’m staying or going until I know you better.
Polyamory implies a relationship, sex in any form, and some kind of commitment to the continuance of the relationship. It implies we know each other well enough to be planning to be around for a while.
Yes, yes, I’ve done the sex-on-the-first-date thing and no-sex-till-the-third-date thing and the let’s-wait-till-we’re-married thing (got married in 11 days once on account of that.) I can find all kinds of variations in sex and the plans or expectations of a continued relationships. At the same time, I notice that there is this phenomenon I experience that I call, “One orgasm and I want to get married.”
Apparently, it isn’t like that for everyone.
Eric Francis just wrote this in-depth series on sex and love (www.planetwaves.net) and in the last installment he compared what astrology calls 5th house love, creativity and children and 8th house love, marriage, and transformation. One of the first questions he posed in this series was “would you rather have sex in an art studio or a bank?”
A bank! There’s soft cushy furniture, maybe dark wood paneling and desks to bend over. Elevators can be fun, too.
An art studio, to me, is too messy, no place to sit, stand or lie down comfortably - all bar stools and hardwood - probably pine and light stained or worse - concrete! Too many colors, too little order. Yuck!
Different strokes for different folks.
I’m all for having love and creativity, of course. I just prefer it in the crucible of monogamy and the transformational awareness that I find in that.
I will date more than one person at a time, with or without sex, depending on what is there between us. But when I find a good fit, I much prefer to find the many in the one.
Love, Ann
