Shampoo Series – Kabbalistic Marriage?

Good morning,

Jason Shulman, in Kabbalistic Healing, writes of the work of transformation from the perspective of briatic consciousness:

We need to think about this. We need to be brave so that we can go through to experience this God-given state of being that allows us to do the work of true transformation for ourselves and others, now seen for the first time as separate and not-separate simultaneously. We need to be able to invite Yichida, the unique, Intimate One, into our hearts and be fillwed with the glow of the undivided consciousness that God gave us to have and hold, married to it with our bodies and minds.

So began my morning.

Wolf, the man to whom I feel so married, whom I married in a labyrinth in October, and have been seeing ever since, has been incommunicado since Tuesday night. Friends and relatives are all worried about me, concerned, asking if I’m okay.

Good grief, Charlie Brown. I’m fine!

When I told Wolf, beloved that he is, that I would feel married to him even if he was in India with a harem, I meant it. This includes feeling married to him when he has not been in touch by phone, email or in person for 3 days. It didn’t suddenly change.

Shulman writes, also:

When you have a relationship with a husband or wife or partner, and both of you are completely devoted to this awareness, this holy work, then you are going to watch carefully the hologram of that relationship, and you will find that everything you need to know is there.

Yes!  So it is.

These are, in Katie’s terms, the Turn Arounds.

This is a link to Steven’s detailed instructions for Turn Arounds:

http://annojohnson.wordpress.com/turn-arounds-a-how-to-from-steven-sashen/

Here are some thoughts I have had about Wolf:

Wolf is distant.  Turn it around?  I am distant!  Well, duh.

Wolf is not speaking to me. Turn it around? I am not speaking to me.

   In what ways am I failing to communicate with myself?

Is there another turn around? (Of course, there are always several.)

I am not speaking to Wolf. 

Boy, did I find that one. At the time he hung up on me, I was not really speaking to him, I was upset and more speaking at him. 

Other stories I have been telling myself are even more interesting, just wait -

Wolf is having an identity crisis. I overwhelmed him with the Quantum Wealth worksheet on Sunday. I am a catalyst for him. Wolf could be dead or in a coma. He could be having a death and rebirth experience.

Turn Arounds include, but are most certainly not limited to:

I am having an identity crisis. I overwhelmed myself with the Quantum Wealth worksheet on Sunday. He is a catalyst for me. I could be dead or in a coma. I could be having a death and rebirth experience.

I have been up since very early this morning feeling into what these Turn Arounds mean for me. What is this situation showing me about myself? Where am I shut down or failing to communicate? Where do I think something is “too much for me?”

Death and rebirth are old friends. Is there anything to be afraid of? Well, no, and sometimes I don’t know that. If I have the thought Wolf is afraid of me, afraid of our deep connectedness and intimacy, what do I find in that Turn Around? I am afraid of Wolf, afraid of our deep connectedness and intimacy.

Well . . . duh.

I am afraid of me (Who else is there?) I am afraid of my deep connectedness and intimacy (with myself, with God).

I can find all of that.

I know Wolf and I have affected each other deeply. He is a catalyst for me, at least as much as I am for him. In sharing David Deida, A Course in Miracles, Quantum Wealth, The Work of Byron Katie, IAM Meditations, all of the things I discuss in this blog, I am re-learning it myself, re-membering it, bringing it more deeply into my awareness as I “teach best what I most need to learn.” (Sondra Ray and others)

God, I love Jason Shulman! I am blissed out after reading only a few pages of that book again.

I’ve never met the man, only his book and one of his students, who is my teacher and friend, Steven Sashen, and I feel so At One when I read Kabbalistic Healing. He says in the beginning that his book is a transmission, meant to be read over and over. God willing, I may write like that some day.

I feel deeply connected, married, to myself, and yes, to Wolf, and the world we share – even when we are not in physical contact.

I often repeat to him one of the central ideas of his Thelemic pagan practice: Do what Thou wilt is the whole of the Law.

I mean it, and so does he.

I suspect he knows that I am fine and either he will or he won’t get in touch.

Love, Ann

Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.

Shampoo Series – Sex, Bliss and Clarity

What if . . .

What if our desire for sex and orgasm is a built-in way to get us to relax and experience bliss, the peace of God and clarity of being at rest in that peaceful bliss?

In the same way that “Zooming in On Death,” the IAM Meditation from Steven Sashen, on which much of my Shampoo Series is based, brings us to a place  . . .

Well, let’s do it first.

Imagine you are dying.

It doesn’t matter how you got there. Could be an accident, a disease, whatever. Find yourself at the exact moment of death, the place of no return. Not one second before, not one second after.

Not when you’re still alive and might still live.

Not when you’ve died and you are seeing some thing that might come next.

Just the very precise instant in which you die.

(Steven describes this very clearly and guides you though it in his IAM Meditation CD’s or online – see the link to the right, if you want the full story and details.)

So, we’re going to “zoom in on death.”

At that instant of dying, what do you find?

Focus in on that, get into the tiniest segment of the tiniest moment of release – you’re dying.

Okay.

If you got some sensation, some awareness, how would you describe it? (Sorry, I’m not going to tell you what to experience. That’s for you to discover.)

Whatever you discover there, isn’t sex like that?

The French call it “la petite morte,” the little death,” for a reason.

Personally, I think Christ had it right, but the Christians, the church, lacking the experience and right-mindedness of Christ, got it backwards. Sex is one of the most powerful ways to find God. Of course, I could go all paranoid and imagine that the church knew this and wanted to keep it from the masses so they’d have the power.

*shrug*  Doesn’t matter. We can find the truth within ourselves in an instant. That’s what Christ taught – “Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven. The Kingdom of Heavin is  – “ where?

“Within.”

Christ was a mystic – he had a direct experience of Spirit and tried to leave us some breadcrumbs to find that within.

That’s the real “secret.”

Not willfully trying to bend the Universe to our whims.

When you have done the IAM Meditation, “Zooming in on Death,” you may notice that no matter what, you win. Even if you haven’t quote, unquote, “gotten it,” by then, in that last instant of release, you win. You get the prize. You get the peace. You get the clarity.

Often, don’t we feel like that after an orgasm?

Isn’t our sexual drive one of the strongest there is? Isn’t it something we spend days and years of our lives pursuing?

Maybe it isn’t the girl or the guy, maybe it isn’t the marriage or the sex, maybe what we are really after, the thing that makes our sex drive so compelling, so relentless, is that it takes us to that very same place of release, peace, and clarity.

Who thought that up?

Who made it our deepest desire to get clear and peaceful?

What a brilliant fucking idea!

Love, Ann

Edgy

Good morning,

I’ve pointed out to Wolf that he could be halfway across the globe with a harem and I’d still feel married to him.

He practices “Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law” and “Love is the law. Love under Will.”

I do, too, but have not been calling it that.

Today we acknowledged that to bring full integrity to our relationship, it is based in that, too.

He seemed intent on telling me to “Be careful what you ask for,” saying that this is a new relationship paradigm for him and he has no idea where it will lead.

I answered that this is always the case. It’s just that we’re saying it. Something about admitting we have no idea where our relationship will go, and how and when we will be “apart” or “together” whatever that means, feels true.

“Forever” is also true. It is simply that it is unlikely to ever look like we imagined it would.

Love, Ann

Question:  “Do you know how to make God laugh?”

Answer:  “Tell Him your plans.”

Shampoo Series – Goal-Free Goal Setting is . . .

… like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.

To summarize, for 5 months, I had Paul proposing to me with every other breath, but marriage was not a good idea. He had had a crush on me for 35 years and I was kind of a rebound relationship for him after a 15-year marriage.

On October 13, in the center of my favorite outdoor labyrinth under the pines in Evergreen and with a stream flowing on the other side, Wolf vowed to love me forever. After the fact, we both observed that our words to each other and the altered space we were in (yes, like that high we get from IAM), we observed that our words were tantamount to marriage.

It wouldn’t matter if I never saw him again, we’d feel each other wherever we are. Now *that’s* a marriage!

What I’ve noticed is that I’m really married to everyone. They just don’t know it yet. (Yes, kind of a Katie paraphrase.)

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Love,
Stacy