Men & Sexual Explorations

Hi All,

 Here’s another risky post. I admit I’m a little nervous to blog about this part of my experiences, but it is so much a part of what so many people with incest in their history go through. I need to write something about it.

Many of us who were introduced to sex really early in life, especially with a parent or someone who took care of us when we were young, tend to confuse sex with love even more than most people do. At the same time, having woken up sexually, we may also explore many and varied expressions of sexuality in a freer way.

What do I mean?

Well, I was going down on men by the time I was 11 or 12. I thought I lost my virginity at 13, not realizing that I had been penetrated before I was a year old.

My father told me he didn’t understand why we have to love just one person. That was certainly a rationalization in many ways, but in other ways, he was absolutely right.

I read Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein and that and Daddy were all the push a hormonally drenched pre-pubescent girl needed to get out and experiment… a lot. Of course, this was just after the “free love” sixties. Many of us were reading Heinlein and trying polyamory and all kinds of things. 

In some ways, I’ve never stopped. With a strong background of sexual experience, I know what I like and some of it is off the beaten path. *giggle* Or on it.

I have trained as a sexual surrogate, worked a phone line for three weeks (the most heartbreaking job I ever tried), and I’ve played out nearly every sexual fantasy I ever had. I’ve dated male-to-female submissive crossdressers and played out both dominant and submissive fantasies in public. Power exchange is a strong sexual theme.

I really saw last week, when I posted an ad on a singles web site that I’ve really done it all. I had men writing me and asking “what do you want to explore?” I had to say, “nothing, really.” At least, not the way they meant.

I am sure there is much about gentleness and intimacy, commitment and joining in the adventures and experiences of life with another human being that I have yet to experience. But the fantasy stuff about multiple partners and specific sexual acts are things I dealt with years ago. I’m not all that interested in things that are wild and risky to others, unless it’s one of the few things I found I really enjoyed.

I know I’m not the only one. Lots of people with early sexual experience do the same thing. Of course, others go the other way and shut down, having little to no sexual experience. I can’t write about that, other than from secondhand experience, and not so much of that. Those people don’t really like being around us. We’re dangerous. We’re not, of course, but it looks that way from the outside.

I could write story after story about various sexual experiences, but my intent is not to entertain, so much as to share. I may try a few of them to see what others find helpful.

Please write or comment if you have something you want me to say or talk about in this, or any other, line of though.

Blessings, Ann