Weight and Safety

You know, our grandmothers and great grandmothers knew things that we have forgotten. Ancestors farther back than that may have been in tune with their surroundings so much that they didn’t even have the questions we have.

Like what?

Fat, for example. Farmers and those who raised animals knew what caused fat. So do we, but we ignore it.

Diet products and exercises and diet food, books & programs have got to be a multi-billion dollar business.

And why?

Because we have forgotten (or ignored) what our ancestors took for granted, and in so many ways. But I’m only going to mention one:

Safety.

Every time I have lost significant weight I have been between office jobs, had a solid lover that helped me feel safe and/or was doing Flow Chiropractic which restore a sense of safety to the central nervous system (www.flowwith.com)

What does an animal do when it is afraid besides fight, flight & freeze?

It stores food and provisions in case there isn’t any more on the way for a while.  We produce hormones that tell our bodies to hold fat. Insulin does that.

This is one of the answers to the fat dilemma, not just in my own body, but lots of us. We are scared.

Are our fears rational? Most of the time, no. We fear a lot of things that just aren’t a problem. We terrorize ourselves with “what if’s” that never come to pass. We act like our boss, our spouse or the government is “out to get us.”

And in our fear?  Our bodies start holding onto food and fat like there is no tomorrow. We have convinced ourselves there won’t be.

I have noticed that I always gain weight in an office job. Is it the office? Is it some kind of trauma response because I worked for my father when I was a child?

Oh, I can make up those stories.

But really, all I want to do is to notice that I am in no danger. I am safe. Now and always. With or without a partner, or a chiropractor or constant outside reassurance that I am safe.

Lately, I have forgotten to remember. I am surrounded by people who are maybe even more frightened than I am, both the customers and my co-workers. A few weeks ago there was a death in the office, a suicide. A few weeks before that, an ex-lover was contemplating ending his life.

But I know what to practice when fears come up.

I question my thoughts:

1.  Is it true?

2. Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?

3. How do I react when I believe this thought?

4. Who would I be without this thought?

Turn it around (to self, other or an opposite). Is that Turn Around at least as true (or truer?) than the original thought?

Find another Turn around.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Thank you, Steven. Thank you, Katie.

Love, Ann

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
 

                     – Frank Herbert, Dune

Shampoo Series – Definition of Reality

Reality is things you can prove that don’t require a philosophy or intangibles or assumptions.
 
While I could tell my incest story with all kinds of drama and assumptions about what happened and how I may (or may not) have responded, the truest thing is “Man and girl in room.” 
 
And even “man” and “girl” are stories.
 
That’s one of our most freeing excercises on this. But we don’t do it until we’ve done a whole weekend of the work. It’s saved for Sunday because otherwise, our minds would waste a lot of time arguing with reality. 

I wrote this in reply to a girlfriend a few weeks ago, and decided it made a good post.

Questions?

Love, Ann

Cowgirl Interlude: Filthy Gorgeous Things dot com

I just added this to my Links over there on the right. I want to call attention to one of the articles, which refers to one of the best passages in one of my favorite author’s books.

Kim Anami writes:

http://filthygorgeousthings.com/modern-love/how-to-make-love-stay 

In Tom Robbins’ book, Still Life with Woodpecker he asks, “Who know how to make love stay?” It’s an excellent question. He answers it:

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”

She goes on to give examples from her life coaching practice.

Sometimes it has felt lonely to be kinky, poly, intellectual, philosophical, mystical and kinky like me, and then I find others who are like me in some of those ways. I even followed the link to Sigmund Fuller’s page off of this article. I clicked on “Books to Read,” and was stunned and surprised to find the first book on the list was “Stumbling on Happiness,” by Daniel Gilbert.

Realistically, other people must have read this book, but it isn’t as if I meet those people every day. Oh, maybe I do. In some of these ways. And I’m not meeting the actual people. Chances are that in person some of them are full of new age fru fru. But the articles are beautiful and sexy and thought-provoking.

Go look:

http://www.filthygorgeousthings.com

Love, Ann

My Polyamory Ran Over My Monogamy?

And even though I have given up my belief in astrology – it is unprovable – I still enjoy reading Eric Francis. So, here is what I just read:

 Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 22)
You are being called upon to give yourself totally not to any one relationship, but to every relationship. One of the big problems on our planet is that we live in a hierarchy of love. Some people are ‘more important’ than other people, and we can act in very strange ways because of this. The outcomes of this situation, however, prove the point that we really don’t know what role people have, and it’s fair to doubt that we have any discernment at all. Monday’s New Moon is calling on you to suspend all discernment and make sure that you are offering what you can to every situation you are in. I cannot tell you why, or how; I can only tell you what I am reading in the planets. You are a born humanitarian and you know it. This is not merely a dream.
 
 
I see.  I thought it was pretty odd that after more than half a decade of monogamy, partly because when I get really hooked (Venus in Scorpio, 8th house) I don’t really want anyone else, I now suddenly find myself with a lover (born 12/18) who lives with another girlfriend, supporting another of my ex-lovers (early Capricorn who nearly committed suicide 3 or 4 weeks ago) in overcoming the shock of legal charges by his girlfriend about something complely bogus  (WTF???? how dare she?)  and helping his new gf find work in this area, while a guy I slept with a few times sleeps here once in a while to be closer to his job, which is fine with my roommate who was once upon a time a lover, and I’ve offered my bf to a girlfriend who is depressed (he’d be good for her) and suggested he couch surf on the way to CA at another gf’s house in Albuquerque (she’s a Dom, I’m not) and well, you get the idea… I should stop here, to anyone but you, Eric, this sounds quite complex and crazy.  In fact, today my ex-husband wrote me to help edit a notice that his wife has a terminal disease so he can say this appropriately in a mass email, and I got a note from another ex-lover on beauty, and friended another ex’s ex on Facebook so we can both support him through the suicidal depression he has just been through.

Got all that?

Suffice it to say that my polyamory ran over my monogamy when I wasn’t looking. You’re right – no one relationship is more important than any other. Everybody seems to be very happy and flexible and open.

There is nowhere even a hint of jealousy and most of these people have read the excellent article, Jealousy & the Abyss by William Pennell Rock, at http://www.planetwaves.net/jealousy because I sent it to them – most of them nearly a decade ago.

Polyamory?  I gave it up and it showed up in spades.
 
Hmm.
 
Much love, Ann

Riddle Me This: When is Star Trek Not Star Trek?

 

***   SPOILER ALERT    ***  SPOILER ALERT  ***   SPOILER ALERT    ***

Answer: When it is the new Star Trek movie.

The tag line “The future begins” is true.

George told me he was boycotting Star Trek. After I saw it the second time, I called him and raved about it. I asked why he was boycotting. He said, “they totally changed Spock’s character. He has emotions!”

I said, “I understand. They f*cked everything up, but trust me, THEY STILL GOT IT RIGHT!”  I told him that if he saw it and did not agree with me, I would refund him the price of the movie.

First, there are many, many homages, some of which I am sure I am still missing, so, including, but not limited to the bug-eyed alien in the bar in one of the first scenes, that looks like it should be in Star Wars, not Star Trek, which clues us to how much the new Kirk is going to be like Hans Solo; the way Scotty is shoved through a water pipe, as if he is going to the Juicing Room in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,  and all of the homages to Star Trek itself, which you can see for yourself when you get there.

Then there is the way that they are reframing  how Kirk (intuition) and Spock (logic) interact and get to know each other, which I found just mind-blowing. Mind blowing.

One of the best things about the new Star Trek is that WE ARE FINALLY BACK TO THE BIGGER MORE ARCHETYPAL THEMES THAT GENE RODDENBERRY WAS *SO* GOOD AT!!!!

All due respect to Mr. Rick Berman, but his worlds were smaller, his stories more political, more this-worldy, less interesting to me than Roddenberry’s. I  did not have the chills and sense of rightness and wholeness that I experienced when I saw Mr. Roddenberry’s worlds and works.

In the new Star Trek movie, this is back.

At first, I was disturbed by the lack of the mostly closed set, the use of tons of computer animation and graphics that is so updating the way Star Trek  is portrayed. But as the story grabbed me and held me and breathed me into that sense of rightness I so loved in Roddenberry’s Star Trek,  I realized that they had done it. They have really done it.

It’s Star Trek. It is really Star Trek.

Drug Culture Spirituality

Recently someone contacted me from a dating site. We exchanged several lively emails, then he asked me what I thought about drug use, in some detail, asking about several types of drugs along with his comments. For instance, he thought marijuana was okay, and liked psychedelics, maybe cocaine, but not heroine.

All I could think was, “WTF?”

I replied, explaining that I have no use whatsoever for drugs. I haven’t heard back from him.

The next day, I was chatting with another dating site contact, told him that story and lo and behold, he accused me of being prejudiced (which I was) because I did not want to meet him after learning that he smokes pot. Sorry, but I have the right to screen my dates for that.

I was pretty lucky as far as this drug stuff goes.

I remember starting to read Carlos Castaneda when I was a teenager. My mother said it was fine for me to read them, with one condition:  I had to read all 3. (At that time, there were only 3.) I agreed. It took me a long time to finish them, busy teenager reading lots of different books that I was, but I kept my promise. The reason she required that promise is that in the first books, Don Juan is using drugs to induce some kind of altered awareness. By the last book, he has made it clear that the drugs are not necessary.

That’s pretty much my experience. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, like 25 years ago, when I last did anything like that. Sure, maybe it showed me there were altered states of awareness. Fine. The consequences to my health and potential for arrest were simply not worth it. I dropped it all cold turkey in 1985 when I discovered I could get higher on breathing.

Next time, I’ll just copy this blog and send it out. No need to waste any more time on drugs. That reminds me of a bumper sticker my  mother liked:

There is a Reason They Call It:  WASTED

Love, Ann

 

Insomnia?

Good morning,

Did you sleep well last night? 

I did.  I haven’t always, though.

There was a time several years ago when I was constantly worried about money:  Could I pay my rent? How I was going to make the car payment? Would it all be taken away?  Would I be evicted?

Basic survival fears.

Think about it:  do animals sleep when they are afraid of attack? Afraid they are going to die?

No, of course not. They stay awake, stay vigilant, trying to stay alive.

Were my situations life-threatening?  Not really. No.

Even if I were evicted,  even if I did lose my car, whatever happened, it wasn’t likely to be life-threatening.

Katie says, “Reality is kinder than your thinking – but only always.” I didn’t know that then, but I do now.

And what if something was life-threatening? 

What if I were sick? In pain? Dying?

Well, maybe that’s just part of it, part of being human.

Check.

Do you know anyone who has never been sick or in pain?

Of course not. It seems to be a feature, not a bug, as the computer geeks say. It’s part of the experience. We all get sick sometimes. We all have pain sometimes.

Welcome to Planet Earth!

And do you honestly know anyone who is not dying?

Nope. We are all dying.

So, why lose sleep over it?

I know that I can’t just ask you that question and assure you of a good night’s sleep.

What I do recommend is that you question your untrue thinking.

Most likely, at some point, your experience may change. And even if it doesn’t, knowing the truth, maybe instead of fretting over not sleeping, maybe you’ll just watch a movie or read a book or take a midnight stroll under the full moon.

Really.

If you want to ask me about this, make a comment, please do – right below this blog there is space for that.

Love, Ann

“Peace in our minds and in our lives is a cause-effect relationship.”

                                                                   – Stacy Clark

Cowgirl Interlude

It has been way too long since I posted a Cowgirl Interlude. I’ve been busy being a Cowgirl. You know, riding the range?

I signed on merely to post this one very important observation about life, a la Snoopy:

HAPPINESS IS DATING A MASSAGE THERAPIST

Oh, okay – other happiness is dating a soldier who thinks – and disproves the “military intelligence” oxymoron. Of course, it’s one thing to do that as an individual, quite another as a committe or bureacracy.

Further happiness can be found in reconnecting with a high school lover who lives so far away that even he can’t reach that far.

Additional happiness lies in the upcoming visit of Joy and prospective trip to see the man who introduced us one New Year’s Eve.

And then there is the happiness of a new job that keeps me so busy that I hardly notice that 5 o’clock has come and gone and I’m still enjoying what I’m doing.

If I tell you I live in Paradise and live a blessed life, some of you will try to make a comparison and think that you are different from me.

No.

Not at all.

Your thinking may be different, but trust me, your life is just as wonderful as mine. All it takes is noticing.

Love, Ann

“We could last for days on a loving night,

Or for hours, at least, on a warm whisper given.”

                    – Ian Anderson

Bob Tzu, Lao Tzu’s Long Lost American Cousin

And founder of Duh-ism

It’s hilarious. For anyone who has ever taken (or may now be taking) their spirituality too seriously:

www.duhism.com

and if you’re of a mind to share

www.duhism.com/help

and see what it’s all for.

Love, Ann

In my world. . .

Last week I visited my hometown in Tennessee and was reminded what a different world I live in here.

In my world…

People stay in touch with significant others that are no longer lovers.

People may have more than one relationship, without guilt, and with everone involved fully aware of this.

People have little drama, and what drama they do have, they handle by checking their own thoughts for lies that are perpetuating the drama.

People tend to eat health food and avoid fast food.

People talk more about what they are enjoying doing.

People complain very little.

People watch very little television, watch very little news.

People are kind without making a big deal of it.

People have a different vocabulary and different topics of conversation. Sure, maybe some of them discuss football, but if I say someone is “clear,” they know what I mean.  (The definition I came up with for my cousin was, “well, he allows the force that animates us to flow through him and doesn’t get in the way of it very much.)

There are probably more, but I’m tired from the travel and want to rest and read a book.