Uncomplicated by Rick Derringer

July 14, 2013

Listen on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V4K01L3Igc

Everyone seems kinda silly to me
Running around never trying to see
Looking for help in the telephone book
Always trying to find the invisible hook
A whole lotta times, you know, I tried to find
Any way to get a little peace of mind
But then one day, quite accidentally
I came across a man, and found out it was me
And I’m

Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated

It’s as easy as that if you wanna be free
You can swim like a fish in the bottomless sea
You can keep on rocking till the day you die
And you never never even have to wonder why
Some folks slip when they’re out on the limb
They think they went too far and rush to get back in
So don’t get scared when you see yourself
Just thank the lord that you ain’t nobody else.

Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated

I like to feel the heat, but I don’t know why
It’s just as easy to live as it is to die
I feel alive when I’m playin’ that rock and roll
Don’t let nobody tell ya that you got no soul
Love me now cause we’re here alone
And I’ll love you with a fire that you’ve never known
I’ll love ya’ deep inside so everyone can see
It’s the reason I’m alive it’s the way to be free

Singin’
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated
Uncomplicated… Uncomplicated

What is Perversion, Really?

October 30, 2012

A friend of mine from elementary school, circa 1966 – 1969 has opened a therapeutic massage business. Unfortunately, a few patrons have misunderstood this business and requested sexual favors or “happy endings,” which invoked her ire on Facebook.  She posted that she wants to install security cameras and called these men “perverts.”  While I do not condone sexual misconduct in any form, her post is not clear as to whether the men merely made a request or were in some way actively inappropriate with her massage therapists. 

After a 3 day internal debate with myself, I woke up this morning with words to share on the subject.  My friend was raised Catholic and we have had only the slightest Facebook contact and maybe one email exchange when we first reconnected.  

This is what I posted: 

My opinions on this are a bit controversial, so feel free to delete my note if you choose.  Wikipedia says, “Originating in the 1660s a pervert was originally defined as “one who has forsaken a doctrine or system regarded as true, apostate.”[3] The sense of a pervert as a sexual term was derived in 1896, and applied originally to variants of sexualities or sexual behavior rejected by the individual who used the term.”  Freud was wrong about many things, and this was largely due to the suppression and repression of what is known to be the strongest and most basic drive of human (or any) beings:  the drive to procreate.  He was a product of one of the most repressed times in Western history, the Victorian age.  But he was correct that “eros” or the life urge is strong in us.  Without openness, good information and understanding, it does become “perverted.”  Religion, specifically at that time, the Catholic church was one of the fierce forces of this sexual repression.  It was not until the 1960′s that this mistake truly began to be reversed, and we have yet to come into our own as clear, healthy sexual beings.  Until then, I feel it is our responsibility to respond with understanding and education, and yes, of course, cameras if need be until we grow up and grow out of our repressed, misguided attempts to be sexual.\

With any luck, she will hear this and leave it up.  If not, I leave it here for the time being until such time as I find the editor of my dreams and actually get any of this into print. I could expand on this a lot, but kept it brief for the purposes of posting to Facebook. 

How We Project our Lies and Expectations onto Others

March 26, 2012

I explained to my lover, Jill, last night that we each have an internal story about who we are and what we like, what we do, etc. We both have a story about the other person, as well. When we get along, it is partly because we are believing our own internal story about the other person… which is incomplete and false in many ways.
Then, when the other person does something that flies in the face of the story we are telling ourselves, “she’s getting better at … (some thing I/she wants changed)” and suddenly she does the same thing that upsets us again, we are jarred back to reality.
Jill has accused me of being unpredictable. I’m not, really. Sometimes nothing is going on that challenges her inner story about me, but when I do or say something that reminds her of the reality of me,she (or I, or both, depending) get upset because now reality isn’t matching our story or our expectations.
I didn’t say this part to her, and maybe I should connect this dot, but what we do is think the *other person* has been lying, when, in fact, it was we who were lying to ourselves *about* them. We mistakenly blame the other person, when the truth of who they are was in front of us all along. (Note: this says nothing about the content of what they are or are not being, doing or saying that upset us – the truth is that they are fine the way they are. It doesn’t matter how we want them to be different. Each of us thinks we have the “only right way,” even when we are educated and open-minded and think we know better. It is our nature. We evolved to believe we were right. See “On Being Certain” by Robert Burton.)
Can you see what I’m saying?
In fact, this is the source of all of our upsets about others. We blame them for not meeting our expectations, when, actually, we were lying to ourselves believing they would always meet our expectations, and of course, they won’t.
That’s why “no blame” works and nothing else does.
Love,
Ann

“Reality is kinder than your thinking – but only always.”

- Byron Katie, Loving What Is

Truth Is

November 10, 2011

I’m thinking of starting a new blog to accumulate thoughts and quotes and resources on truth.  I don’t know if it belongs on this one or not.

In the meantime, here is a quote:

 

“I like happiness as much as the next guy, but it’s not happiness that sends one in search of truth. It’s rabid, feverish, clawing madness to stop being a lie, regardless of price, come heaven or hell. This isn’t about higher consciousness or self-discovery or heaven on earth. This is about blood-caked swords and Buddha’s rotting head and self-immolation, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something they don’t have.”

~ Jed McKenna

 

 

 

“Only Solitaire”

September 24, 2011

Good morning,

Long time no see, as they say.

I texted my lover this morning that I finally knew at least the name of the game whose rules I do not know.

Ah, let me back up a bit.  Something I said to her in July after the Folks Fest was that I find myself playing a game whose rules I do not understand and probably would not even agree with if I knew them.  It was one of those rare moments when she said, “That landed.”

The name of the game is “Jillian’s Feelings.”  Jillian being my girlfriend.

Delving a bit further into the metaphor, I found that the main rule that few, if any of us, understand is that the game of “Another Person’s Feelings” is inevitably a game of Solitaire. When either or both players forget this, everybody loses.  There is no win if we do not recognize the basic structure of the game.

She countered that another person may make suggestions, such as “put the red seven on the black eight.”  I admit that is true.  But if the other person insists that this is how someone else’s Solitaire is played or if the person playing reacts to having been given a suggestion instead of either trying it or rejecting it based on their personal knowledge of their own personal game of Solitaire, then once again, everybody loses.

Oh, and by the way?  Whilst I am trying to play “Jillian’s Feelings,” who is playing “Ann’s Feelings?

Answer:  nobody.  Another losing game.

“Jillian’s Feelings” is based on Jillian’s Process (see Compatibility Factors under Pages), which is Think-Act-Feel.  My process is Think-Feel-Act.  Funny how three little facets of life can dictate so much about a person, about what they do, how they feel, when and whether they do any of these thinking, feeling or acting things!

For example, Jillian apparently cannot form words while in the midst of deep or scary or new feelings.  Whereas I cannot form words while in the midst of deep or scary or new actions – or painful ones, like walking at what others call a normal pace.  I have symptoms of fibromyalgia, as mentioned in previous blogs.

Forgetting this for either of us leads to upsets:

What do you mean you can’t answer the question?

Why can’t you tell me?

I wish you could walk and talk with me.

I am listening while I move and work.  Why can’t you keep talking to me?

No one can play “Someone Else’s Feelings.”  It never happens.  Ever. However, the player of “My Feelings” can mistakenly think someone else is controlling their game. This is a lie – always.

I am quite careful about the words, “always” and “never.”  I mean to say this exactly that way.

Further, I would go as far as questioning whether I am actually playing “My Feelings.”  Could it be that feelings, like thoughts, just arise?  Check.

Love,

Ann

“If it hurts, you are lying.”  Byron Katie

Negativity Schmegativity

December 3, 2010

And now, a word on “negativity.”

Of all the stupid, ignorant, misunderstood New Age thinking superstitions, this one takes the cake. And I’m going to try to explain it in English (wouldn’t matter what language), which is grounded in some of this same ignorant thinking.

Negativity is not “bad.”

Where would art, for example, be without negativity?

Oh, that’s different!

I can just hear you saying that. That doesn’t hurt anyone or isn’t (insert adjectives here, choose from: distasteful, impolite, rude, mean, angry, or choose your own).

Is it? Different?

Oh, sure, there’s a point of view from which it is all these things: bad, distasteful, impolite, rude, mean, angry, etc.

What is that point of view?

VICTIM

“Victims are violent people.” ~ Byron Katie

It’s true. Victims are always feeling attacked, therefore always on the defensive, which means they strike out at others, under the illusion that this is self-defense and they are striking back and, therefore, justified.

You know, I could write and write and write on these ideas, but without the experience of exploring our own thoughts to find out what is true, it’s all just so much air, pearls before swine, as they say. Clinging desperately to the lies that allow us to keep lying, none of it makes any sense at all.

“Defense is the first attack.” Yeah, Katie said that, too.

Lies

November 18, 2010

“You become uneasy with people in direct proportion to how many lies you have to keep track of in their presence.”

~ Spider Robinson, “Satan’s Children”

Full Story Here

I would add that you become uneasy with yourself in direct proportion to the number of lies you have to keep track of, period.

Let’s talk about what “uneasy” means.

Do you have any tension in your body?

Do you have a clenching feeling in your gut?  Or in the heart area?

Your shoulders? Neck? Back?

We all do.

This tension is largely the result of the lies we are holding. Lies are stressful and tension-producing. Yes, there may be some physical causes included, but even those I would question.

For example, let’s say you had a car wreck. Immediately after the wreck, your body may still be responding to the trauma of the impact as if it is still happening. Your posture may be tense and stooped, crouching to ward off the blow. Your breathing may be shallow. You may startle more easily than before.

Animals shake it out, let it go and relax after the trauma far more often that humans do, according to my chiropractor, Dr. Lance Wright. See Flow for his wonderful process for releasing physical tension and trauma. You can search YouTube and see some videos of his talks on the process.

These physical tensions can come from any trauma that we clench our bodies about, including incest, physical abuse, hating to go to school, and not wanting to eat your broccoli. These really add up. Most of us are carrying around more lies than one could possibly count. These lies/thoughts tense us like steel.

The wreck is over. The abuser isn’t in the room. You don’t have to go to school today. And there is no broccoli in front of you.

So why the tension?

Because somewhere in our minds we are lying.

“It’s gonna hurt.”

“I’m not safe.”

Lies also include thoughts like:

“He or should (or should not)  fill in the blank.”

Byron Katie says, “If it hurts, you are lying.”

Yeah, pretty much. Her books, Loving What Is, and I Need Your Love – Is That True? go into the details of exploring our own thoughts to find the truth.

What does Katie mean, “If it hurts?

She means emotional pain and its accompanying physical stress, tension and pain. Sure, if you cut yourself, you hurt. That’s a completely different animal. She is talking about the pain of the lies we are holding onto, clinging to for dear life, while they drain our energy and slowly kill us.

What to do?

Question your thoughts.

The Work of Byron Katie is an excellent way to do this.

How do you know when you are lying? Check your body. Say the thought to yourself or out loud and check your body. Is there any tightness, heaviness or contraction anywhere?

Yes?

You’re lying.

I have written a couple of blogs on secrecy, confidentiality and privacy. This is somewhat a continuation of those.

Have you ever known anyone who insisted on an extreme amount of privacy? Wouldn’t let you talk to their friends? Wanted all kinds of agreements about what you could and could not say to people?

I had a roommate once who had a screaming fit about my sitting down at my own desk where they had opened their laptop. Why did she do that? I found out later that she was hiding some unethical information on her computer and was afraid I would see it. I thought we had a pretty open communication until then, but her reaction was so out of proportion to the situation that I just didn’t know what to make of it. The information about what she was hiding didn’t come out until a couple of years later.

People with unusually stringent privacy needs are likely to be hiding something – and lying to you. If you question them, they will insist this isn’t true. If you talk to them about truth they may question whether there is any such thing and argue with you about what truth is, rather than coming clean.

Let’s go back to Spider Robinson’s statement at the beginning of this blog. The whole paragraph says this:

“Even those of us who pay only lip service to the truth know what it is, deep down in our hearts. And we all believe in it, and know it when we see it. Even the best rationalization can fool only the surface mind that manufactures it; there is something beneath, call it the heart or the conscience, that knows better. It tenses up like a stiff neck muscle when you lie, in proportion to the size of the lie, and if it stiffens enough it can kill you for revenge. Ask Richard Corey. Most people seem to me, in my cynical moments, to keep things stabilized at about the discomfort of a dislocated shoulder or a tooth about to abscess. They trade honesty off in small chunks for pleasure, and wonder that their lives hold so little joy. Joy is incompatible with tensed shoulders and a stiff neck. You become uneasy with people in direct proportion to how many lies you have to keep track of in their presence.”

What is the remedy for this lying?

Truth. The Whole Truth. And nothing but the truth.

Later in that story, Spider writes:

It’s the truth that’s addictive. Every one of those people came back for, like, three-four hits, and then they stopped coming by. I checked up on the ones I was in a position to. They had just simply rearranged their lives on solid principles of truth and honesty and begun to live that way all the time. They didn’t need the drug anymore. Every damn one of them thanked me. One of them fucked me, sweetly and lovingly—at my age.”

~ Spider Robinson, Satan’s Children

You want to relax? Feel good in your body? See your life work?  Your relationships work?

Do you want to feel joy?

Tell the Whole Truth Faster. That’s what Sondra Ray said in her book, Loving Relationships.

Ken Keyes put it this way in his 12 Pathways:

“I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keep me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.”

~ Ken Keyes

I can give you quotes about the beneficial effects of truth all day long. I haven’t included a single quote from the 12 Step programs and that is all about truth-telling and the life-changing effects that has.

But quotes won’t do it.

I remind myself often:  It’s THE WORK of Byron Katie, not the “read” of Byron Katie. Reading about something isn’t what helps. Working through our own thoughts, our lies and finding what’s true works.

Love, Ann

“Truth exists.”

~ Jed McKenna

Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damndest Thing

Cowgirl Interlude: Spider on the Web – “Satan’s Children”

November 14, 2010

Good morning,

This is true Spider Robinson.

I was reading this story to my girlfriend and decided to go looking for a second copy, since the first one I got has a very dilapidated cover. Lucky me! Not only were there 4 or 5 copies of this out-of-print masterpiece on Amazon, Spider himself reads the entire story! And he performs the song.

The podcast is in 2 parts dated 3/2/10 and 3/20/10:

http://www.spiderrobinson.com/podcast.html

Spider is the famous person I would most like to meet.  If I get to meet 2 famous people I want to meet Jeanne, his wife, as well.

There are about 17 minutes of music and chat before he launches into introducing the actual story. Your choice about that part.

Love, Ann

“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”

John 8:32

 

Beyond Secrecy, Privacy and Insecurity

November 7, 2010

I previously wrote a post called “Secrets, Confidences & Privacy,” in March or 2006, promising to write more. You can click this link:

http://annojohnson.wordpress.com/2006/03/16/secrets-confidences-and-privacy/

That blog gives some of the development of my thinking on the matter.

I notice that it was written a year before April of 2007. When I share this blog with people, I give a disclaimer that I no longer believe much of what I was writing prior to April 2007, but I leave it up as historical development and to connect with people who might connect better there. But what I would write now on the same subjects is significantly different. I re-read what I wrote, and while I would alter my allusions to spirituality and inner guidance to be more factual, and include conversation on “whose business am I in?” I would generally stand by most of what is written there.

My theme was the question of whether the expanding & contracting universe is a safe place or not. Let me review and then continue.

I will use words & phrases like “generally,” “usually,” “often,” and “most of the time,” for the benefit of those who are not seeing things the way I do.

Secrets generally hide something that we believe would hurt another or ourselves. Usually, we hold things secret out of shame or guilt, or fear of the judgment of others. We keep secrets usually to deceive or hide.

The Online Merriam Webster gives the origin of the word, “secret,” from the Middle English, from Anglo-French secré, secret, from Latinsecretus, from past participle of secernere to separate, distinguish, from se- apart + cernere to sift.”

It might be informative to check the synonyms and antonyms listed there:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/secret

“Synonyms: backstairs, behind-the-scenes, clandestine, covert, furtive, hole-and-corner, hugger-mugger, hush-hush, private, privy, sneak, sneaking, sneaky, stealth, stealthy, surreptitious, undercover, underground, underhand, underhanded
Antonyms: open, overt, public”

Confidences, on the other hand, are generally held in areas where we may feel we are vulnerable, sensitive, “wounded” or learning. A confidence may be more temporarily held, and more likely to be shared when we learn … confidence! Internal confidence in ourselves, our views, our choices, preferences & lifestyle. We keep confidences to protect.  A confidence is held out of respect or for healing. Once we feel safe, we may share these more freely.

The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary definition of confidence that applies is “reliance on another’s discretion.”  “Discretion,” it says, comes from the “Middle English, from Anglo-French discret, from Medieval Latin discretus, from Latin, past participle of discernere to separate, distinguish between.”

Privacy, as I wrote before,  is often not explicitly spoken of, and thus, is harder to pinpoint, define or follow. It is quite a slippery subject, particularly from culture to culture and from era to era.

The Online Merriam-Webster, gives the origin from  “Middle English privat, from Anglo-French, from Latinprivatus, from past participle of privare to deprive, release, from privus private, individual; probably akin to Latin profor, in front of.”

The bold in the definitions is mine. I highlighted separate, deprive and individual.

Secrets, confidences and privacy separate one person or a group of people from others, deprive others of information or knowledge and are a feature of individuation, a word which contains the same root as “divide,” which also means “to separate.”

While I was Googling for other information on these topics, I found the following article by Thomas Nagel, “Concealment and Exposure” at:

http://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/faculty/nagel/papers/exposure.html .

Nagel writes more about the social and political effects of constraint versus personal confrontation on matters that are generally private, and Nagel believes in a kind of privacy that protects people who hold unpopular views as a means to smooth wrinkles from the social fabric for the purposes of a “smoothly fitting public surface.”  Nagel writes that “it protects one from the sense of exposure without having to be in any way dishonest or deceptive, just as clothing does not conceal the fact that one is naked underneath.”

Such privacy seems to be a requirement in a society that is largely expressing itself in any of the following World Views:  Survival, Safety and Security, Outer Success and Relationship Lessons. From these perspectives, there is very much “two,” duality, not one. While truth is more than mere non-duality, this will do for now as a distinction for the purposes of this conversation. Everything seems to come from “outside” – until it doesn’t, about the time we become more inner directed, less blaming, less focused on others to meet our imagined “needs” and “wants.”

Unless society as a whole, is largely more secure and inner-directed, trusting and safe, it seems reasonable (is it?) and natural (oh?) to hold secrets, confidences and privacy. Anything outside of ourselves seems threatening, or at least holds that potential, and society adopts “norms” that “protect.”

It seems more reasonable to me, to question these assumptions, to find out if our attachment to “privacy,” is really only a way to divide and separate us from ourselves and others.

Does the desire for privacy actually spring from insecurity in a world that is truly safe in a bigger picture sense?  (Yes, bodies may die, be in pain, be injured – does that actually equate to a lack of safety?)

If you’ve been reading this blog much at all, you know what to do, and you have choices:

Write out a Worksheet. Ask the questions. Do the turn arounds.

Re-Pair Opposites

Release and Receive

Email me or Comment if you need help.

Love, Ann

“One and one don’t make two. One and one make one.”

~ Pete Townshend, The Who

Supporting Others and Myself

October 4, 2010

1. I can support you with truth.
2. I can support you in finding out what’s true.

3. I cannot and will not support untruth or lies.
4. I cannot and will not support you in believing untruth or lies.

5. I will have compassion for the ways that lies cause you to feel unnecessary suffering.

6. I will usually choose not to support you in clinging to the same lies that are causing you (to think you) feel suffering.

I have just summed up why I will not do counseling.

People cling desperately to the very lies that are causing them suffering.

We all do. I am not exempt.

The only way out of suffering is to notice the truth.

(Be aware that I did not say “find.” Truth is not lost. We are IGNORING it.)

Love, Ann

PS – Do not bother me with definitions of truth. Truth is the simplest thing there is. Any sign of complication and what you have is a lie.


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